


I wanna catch you

by valenstrange



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Jpop, SMAP
Genre: Falling In Love, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:21:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27758317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valenstrange/pseuds/valenstrange
Summary: Set in the blissful year of 2012. Shingo and Tomo are in denial of their own feelings but falling hopelessly in love with each other nonetheless. All the adorable awkwardness of a not-yet-relationship, and two endearingly shy men fighting through their insecurities because their mutual attraction they are unable to fight.After eight years I finally wrote a ShingoPi getting together fic in English! I hope I can make you fall in love with this soft-soft ship if you haven't already ♡
Relationships: Katori Shingo/Yamashita Tomohisa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beta read by [TokuSwag](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TokuSwag) (Check out her SMAP fics, too!)

Shingo sighed, looking up from his phone. He just cleared another level of the game he had been playing for the past few days and didn't really feel like continuing. It was boring, as everything was on set lately. He even finished learning all his lines for the day already. He remembered MONSTERS shootings used to be so much fun. After he finished reading through his lines just enough times to be able to remember them for the next hour or so, he usually spent all their breaks chatting with Yamashita. The younger man, of course, came to set all prepared every time like the diligent idol he was. He usually talked to the staff and other cast members while Shingo was learning his lines, but immediately ditched everyone when he saw that his senpai had finished. Shingo couldn't help feeling a bit smug about being Yamashita's favorite person on set. He was still a bit modest with him, but once they started to talk they could talk for hours on end without an awkward silence, so Shingo enjoyed spending time with him a lot.

However, lately Yamashita was just not around. He would disappear to somewhere the moment his scenes wrapped up and wouldn't be back until two minutes before his next scene. And even when he stayed, it was like they were back to the starting line. Yamashita acted so reserved and shy with Shingo lately again. As if the past months of writing a whole song together until late nights and going for food or drinks every time they shared a day off didn't even happen. Shingo really didn't understand what was going on, but it kind of... hurt him.

Yamashita was the first person in a long time who Shingo let close to himself, let alone so easily. He just… liked talking to Yamashita a lot. Or rather at this point, he _missed_ talking to him.

And this was exactly why he didn't like to let people close to him. Once you start expecting something from them, they will let you down.

\----------------------------

Tomo woke up in the middle of the night, breathing heavily. For a moment he wasn't even sure where he was. Even after he realized he still needed to switch on the night lamp to make sure he was in his own home and bed, alone.

"Oh my god..." he mumbled, burying his face into his palms.

He looked between his fingers at his lower body. It was just as he expected: he had a hard-on. And the reason for that was the dream he just woke up from.

He had a detailed dream about Katori-san. Having sex with Katori-san, to be precise.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he hissed as he touched his aching member through the sweatpants he used as pajamas.

In the next moment, he threw himself back on the bed, pulling his blanket over his head. No way he is getting off after such a dream. He definitely cannot touch himself while thinking about Katori-san. That would be so wrong. Having such a dream about him was already bad enough.

He hardly ever had sex dreams anymore, let alone waking up from them with a hard-on like a teenager. Yet he just had a dream about going _all the way_ with his senpai. The senpai he's going to meet in - he blinked at the digital clock besides his bed - four hours. He covered his face with his pillow, silently screaming.

The huge embarrassment he felt successfully took care of the problem down there for him, but dealing with the feeling of guilt was a bigger challenge. Lately he dreamed about Katori-san just about every night, but his dreams before had never gone quite _this_ far. It was mostly just stuff like hanging out with him as they did in real life too, or sometimes touching or kissing him. Not like that wasn't awkward enough already for Tomo. But now he just wanted to die. He couldn't imagine looking his senpai in the eyes only a few hours after such a dream.

\----------------------------

That day Tomo was late for their shooting. The makeup artist almost got a heart attack when she saw his pale face and the big dark circles under his eyes, knowing she had only a few minutes to try and make all that disappear. At the end, they were just in time to send Tomo in front of the cameras.

Of course, it had to be a scene with Shingo.

"I'm so sorry," mumbled Tomo bowing to his senpai.

"It's okay, we're right on time," shrugged Shingo, putting on his signature smile, but Yamashita didn't look at him. Of course, what did he even expect?

Tomo tried his best to get in character and see the man beside him as Hiratsuka Heihachi and not Katori Shingo who he just had the most embarrassing dream of his life about a few hours ago. It didn't go as smoothly as he hoped. Looking at the older man's waistline in that well tailored suit... his broad shoulders... his big hands and long fingers which were in his dream...

"Yamashita-san?" Tomo didn't realize how much he zoned out during his scene rolling until he heard the director calling his name.

"Ye-yes?" He looked up and saw everyone, including Katori-san staring at him. The cameras had stopped rolling.

Everyone seemed to be surprised - it was the first time Tomo forgot his lines or forgot when to say them. He always made sure to learn everything at home and came fully prepared. It had never happened before.

The director cleared his throat. "Lack of sleep today, huh? How about taking a coffee break now, everyone?"

"It's okay! I'm okay!" Tomo hurried to say. "I am so sorry," he bowed deeply. "Please don't reschedule everything because of me, it won't happen again!"

"Don't worry about it, we were to have that break after this scene anyway. It's better if everyone refreshes themselves before we try it again." The director smiled encouragingly.

Tomo bowed again and basically just stayed like that, hanging his head in self-hate while the staff left for their break. To make up for his lack of confidence in his acting skills, he was always working hard and never let himself zone out on set. But today... At least the embarrassment he felt for having such a dream about his senpai was something no one knew about but him. However, now he managed to embarrass himself in front of the whole staff and the senpai in question because of it.

He almost jumped when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. Tomo turned around immediately, only to face Shingo's worried eyes.

"Hey, are you okay?" asked the older man, tilting his head to the side. "You've been acting weird lately..."

"I'm alright! Really!" spluttered Tomo. "I'm sorry, now I have to..."

"Drink a coffee?" interrupted Shingo with a smile. "Wanna go together?"

"No, I... I have something to do... Please let's go together next time!" Tomo wanted to die right there, but instead he just bowed again and ran away towards the dressing rooms.

Shingo watched the man disappearing from his sight, then sighed and went to get himself a coffee from the catering. Now he felt really in need of one.

Grabbing his drink, Shingo went out to the terrace. He didn't feel like talking to the other cast members and the staff. The only person on set he did want to talk to literally just ran away from him. It was getting cold outside lately, so luckily no one felt like following him. Shingo was somewhat used to standing outside in suits, so he was more or less okay.

However, he was hurt. He had no idea what he did that made Yamashita act like this with him. And he had no idea why he cared about it so much. Why did he want this man to like him so bad?

\----------------------------

They hadn't performed on TV for a long while. Shingo remembered their first appearance in Nakai's show was so much fun, but well, everything changed since then. They still had 15 minutes until the opening, but Yamashita was already out somewhere, leaving the dressing room right as he finished changing.

"Why am I even surprised?" Shingo told himself as he engaged in the game on his phone again to kill time. The game he specifically downloaded in hopes to distract himself from Yamashita not talking to him.

He only met the younger man on stand-by. Yamashita greeted him and asked how things were going as a good kouhai, but Shingo didn't feel like having the level of conversation he thought they passed a few months ago already. Answering everything in one word, hoping Yamashita would realize how mad he was at him for ruining what they had.

Their performance ended up being very different this time. Filled with all kinds of frustration they felt. Tomo tried his best to concentrate, but still caught himself watching his senpai from the corner of his eyes. He looked even more attractive in his Monsters outfit than Tomo remembered. Beefy arms all exposed in his majestic costume. Tomo almost missed a step staring at those arms and thinking about having them around his waist. Terrified of himself he shook his head a bit to get rid of the inappropriate images.

Shingo noticed that Yamashita was acting weird. Taking a huge breath whenever it was Shingo's turn to sing. His face was read, even though Shingo had never seen him break a sweat from such a small exercise before.

 _He's so beautiful,_ Shingo thought involuntarily. It only made him angrier. Why was this man making him think such things? When he was mad at him!

Tomo didn't look at his partner while going back to their changing room. As they entered, he was about to head to his chair right away, but Shingo grabbed his wrist.

"What's wrong with you?!" Shingo asked, a bit more desperate and whiny than he had planned.

Tomo looked up at him, startled before he drew his glance away again. "Wha-What do you mean?"

"At least look at me when you're talking!" Shingo couldn't believe how much it sounded like whining. What was he even doing?

Tomo needed a few seconds to gather enough courage, but then he finally looked up, straight into Shingo's eyes, possibly for the first time in weeks. His glance was a mixture of shame, anger, courage, worry... and something entirely different too.

And that was when Shingo lost his last bit of reason. He let go of Yamashita's wrist and pulled him closer by his waist instead. Kissing him as the distance disappeared between their bodies.

Tomo stiffened, shocked. He was sure he was dreaming again. He dreamed about this so embarrassingly much. He bit his tongue to test. He did it quite forcefully, very sure it had to be a dream anyway. However, the pain immediately spread, clearly telling him he was wrong. Shingo must have misunderstood what Tomo was doing, because noticing the younger man's tongue moving in his mouth, he closed his eyes and slightly opened his lips. Tomo smiled into the kiss, _Katori-san was so cute!_ He immediately opened his mouth too, letting the other man's tongue in. A bit unsure about his own damaged tongue, he met Shingo's. It turned out to be the best cure possible; immediately he didn't feel that his tongue hurt at all.

Shingo had no idea what he was doing, he only knew that Yamashita was reciprocating with the same passion. He wasn't running away from him like in the past weeks. Quite the opposite, the younger man shyly put his hands on his waist and pulled him even closer. That only made Shingo greedier; he grabbed Yamashita's costume and turned their position, pushing him to the door. The kiss got more and more passionate, until the older man finally drew away. Resting his forehead against his partner's, both of them breathing heavily, eyes closed.

After a few seconds that felt like hours, Shingo stepped back. Pushing the younger man away from the door, he left their dressing room. Heading to the public bathroom, only hoping he wouldn't run into anyone who might question what he was doing there in full costume. He washed his face with cold water, then looked up to the mirror to see his own, grinning face. Suddenly starting to laugh uncontrollably. What the hell had he just done?! And why did it make him feel so high?

By the time Shingo went back to their dressing room, Tomo had already changed, and obviously was about to leave. He looked up at Shingo surprised; didn't expect his senpai to be back before he left. To be honest, he hoped he would have at least one day before having to meet him again after what just happened.

"What time are we going to Music Station tomorrow?" asked Shingo as he walked over to his chair, trying to sound as casual as possible. He didn't want Yamashita to feel awkward about what they did, so he rushed back to the dressing room once he calmed down to show him it was no big deal. Nothing changed, they were okay, they could still be friends. He was so worried about losing what they had… what they had left. He was worried that he made the awkwardness between them even worse.

"Oh, uh... for 6 pm." Tomo sounded a bit confused.

"It's gonna be a tight schedule for me then, huh! But see you there!" Shingo looked up and gave his best smile to the younger man who was still awkwardly standing in the door. The picture of him pushing Yamashita to that very door while he was kissing him back passionately immediately flooded Shingo's brain, so he looked away to his clothing rack instead, taking his private clothes off it. "Good job today!" he managed to say in a somewhat normal voice.

"Good job today..." Tomo mumbled and left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by [TokuSwag](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TokuSwag) (Check out her SMAP fics, too!)

Arriving home Tomo kicked off his shoes and headed straight to the bathroom. He was really in need of a hot shower to clear his head after what happened. Enjoying the water pouring down on his body, he put his head under the shower and closed his eyes. The water was running down his face, dripping on to his lips. It felt warm. _Though not as warm as Katori-san's lips felt there about an hour ago._ Tomo shook his head, as if he could shake out the memories of that kiss, but his body remembered it way too well. He could recall the feeling of Katori-san grabbing his waist, his body being pressed against his... Tomo slowly raised his hand and touched his own lips. The next moment he pulled his hand back as if he touched fire and shook his head again. _Gosh, don't act like a teenager with a crush!_

But no matter what, he couldn't stop thinking about it. _It was so good._ It was better than his dreams. It was real. And it might have been the best kiss of his life.

It was the first time he kissed a man. He knew he was attracted to men for years, but nothing actually happened until now.

He was still surprised about Katori-san kissing him though. Maybe he was just too busy hiding his own feelings, so he didn't realize Katori-san felt... the same? _Feelings._ Was this even about feelings? Or just lust? Did he feel all these things because of Katori-san? Or only because he was a man he found attractive?

It wasn't Tomo's usual bedtime yet, but he headed straight to his bedroom after the shower. He just wanted to sleep and stop overthinking what happened for at least a short while. _Or dream it better..._ He buried his face into his pillow. He shouldn't be thinking such things!

But somehow... he felt less guilty now that he knew he wasn't the only one having inappropriate thoughts about the other. Maybe Katori-san had dreams about him too? _Ah, no no no, of course he didn't!_ Why did he even think about that? Why couldn't he stop thinking about Katori-san?!

\----------------------------

Shingo leaned his back against the door once he stepped into his apartment, closing his eyes for a few seconds. He spent the whole way home chatting with his manager as usual. Now that he was finally alone though, the reality of what just happened hit him.

He had no idea why he did it. He did find Yamashita attractive, of course he did. He hadn't really thought about men this way in decades, but Yamashita was definitely his type. As Nakai liked to put it back in the days, he had a "pretty boys phase" in his early twenties, but next thing he fell in love with a woman he ended up dating for more than a decade, and he pretty much forgot about his attraction to men. He still appreciated when he saw attractive men like Yamashita, but generally thought he preferred women. He hadn't even been looking at him that way! Mostly he just found him beautiful, sweet, entertaining, interesting and cute. Gosh, _so cute._

But now he couldn't get it out of his head. That body against his. That pretty mouth kissing him back. Tongues touching. Foreheads leaning against one another. Yamashita's heavy breathing on his skin as they parted. _Did I leave the heater on?_

Without thinking Shingo closed his eyes, still leaning on the door, he imagined those lips touching his again. Then moving to his neck. _Gosh, what am I even doing?_ Just fantasizing about Yamashita's lips on his skin gave him goosebumps. He couldn't hold himself back anymore and envisioned Yamashita's lips going lower and lower down on his chest as he opened his own shirt. His skin felt hot as he ran his hand over the path Yamashita covered with kisses in his fantasy. _Damn, I really need to stop!_ But it was too late. As he slid his hand down to his crotch, he could feel how hard he got. _No, no, no! This is wrong! I shouldn't get off thinking about a coworker._ A coworker he was making out with in the dressing room today... _Ah, damn it._ Shingo couldn't hold himself back anymore. He pulled down his zipper and freed his aching member from his boxer briefs. Taking it in his hand he closed his eyes and imagined Yamashita's mouth in his hand's place. _Gosh, why does this man turn me on so much?_ For a passing second he tried to think about someone else, someone non-specific. But in the end he could only think about Yamashita. He pictured those beautiful, dark eyes looking straight up at him. He saw himself gently running his fingers into that soft-looking hair. He could almost hear Yamashita's embarrassed giggling and he couldn't help but smile like an idiot. Leaning his head back on the door he sighed; he was so close.

Finishing it on his own hand brought him back to reality. Yamashita's image finally disappeared and suddenly he felt extremely lonely. Still leaning on the door, he slid down to the floor.

"Look at you, Katori Shingo," he said out loud. _You are so pitifully deprived that a simple kiss makes you lose your mind like this?!_ He was sure he would have a hard time looking Yamashita in the eye after this.

 _... wait._ What if... what if that was the reason Yamashita was avoiding him lately? What if Yamashita... did the same? While... thinking about him? That would explain everything.

_No, come on, Yamashita is probably not into men._

Though he was kissing back quite passionately for a straight guy.

What if this whole tension between them lately was in fact... sexual tension?

"Hmm," Shingo sighed and got up from the floor, heading to the bathroom to clean himself up.

\----------------------------

The next day Tomo got to the rehearsal about half an hour before Shingo, but luckily the staff attacked him with enough things right away, so he didn't have time to worry about how he should behave with his senpai once he arrived. It would have been pointless anyway as Shingo barely had time to say hi to him once he rushed in exactly at six o'clock.

Eventually Tomo decided to fight back his embarrassment; messing up the performance would not have helped anything and anyone. It was Music Station, so they had to sing live. He was nervous enough because of that alone anyway.

The audience was clapping, even though Tomo already gave up on counting the missed notes during their performance, not to even mention the steps of the choreography. He was sure he was doing the same moves as every time, but he felt like he ended up face to face with Shingo all the time. Was it always like this? Shingo's face was half covered in the same mask Tomo was wearing, so he couldn't even read his expression properly. Was it supposed to be like this? Something was wrong. Towards the end Tomo was not even sure where he was anymore. The present got blurred with the memories of that kiss coming to the surface. He somehow managed to finish the performance; it seemed they had rehearsed and performed it enough times already to be able to do it without paying much attention to the words and steps.

Both of them rather upset, they basically ran off stage, back to the dressing room. Tomo leaned his back to the door once it shut after them. He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment to catch his breath. When he finally looked up his eyes met Shingo's. They kept staring at one another for one long second before they stepped towards the other in about the same time.

Lips meeting again, greedy and impatient. Hands grabbing the other's clothes, pulling the other man as close as it was physically possible. The masks were in the way but Shingo found it surprisingly hot to kiss while having them on. Opening his eyes to see Yamashita in his mask – yes, this was definitely a sight he enjoyed. Then his eyes moved to the clock hanging besides the door and he panicked.

Breaking the kiss and stepping back from Yamashita. The younger man looked up at him, obviously disappointed. Shingo couldn't help but smile. He reached out, running his fingers in Yamashita's hair on his nape and pulling him in a clumsy hug.

"Let's change, we gotta go back for the talk part!" he murmured into his ears.

\----------------------------

Shingo was staring at his reflection in the mirror of their dressing room. The circles under his eyes were darker than ever. With a hopeless sigh he turned away.

 _The drama is over, we're done with all the MONSTERS performances for this month and tomorrow is a day off!_ He tried to convince himself as he started to change into his private clothes. Even though he knew it very well what was the main reason he was stressed about lately, and it most definitely wasn't work.

They performed on FNS today, and SMAP was sitting in the studio for the whole show. His groupmates watched his performance with Yamashita, and Shingo couldn't help but feel very embarrassed. They had known him all his life. Way too well. He couldn't help thinking they must have noticed the weird tension between the two of them.

Meanwhile Yamashita got back to the dressing room too. Shingo noted that apparently he was back to being distant; having polite small talks with every single staff member just so he didn't have to be in the same room as Shingo. It was probably only Shingo who couldn't get over those kisses ever since.

"I'm back," greeted him the younger man. Shingo looked up, running his eyes over Yamashita. He was still wearing the elegant blue tailcoat they were performing in this time. He looked breathtakingly beautiful.

"Yamashita," said Shingo instead of greeting him back, voice breaking. This was definitely not what he originally wanted to say but his brain went blank and he just ended up spitting out what had been on his mind ever since Yamashita entered their dressing room. "May I kiss you?"

Tomo froze. Slowly looking up to Shingo surprised. It had been a while since their last kiss. Personally, Tomo tried to get over it. It meant way more to him than he dared to admit, even to himself, and it scared him. But looking up to the older man, folding his arms against his bare chest and staring back at him, he knew he won't be able to say no. _God damn it._

Tomo slowly bowed so Shingo stepped closer, and putting his hand on Tomo's waist, he leaned in and kissed him. It felt different from their previous kisses. It was still passionate but it also felt somehow emotional. Though it might have been just Tomo's imagination. They were making out for what felt like minutes when Shingo's lips moved to his neck. Tomo felt every alarm in his head going off; this was turning him on. So much. Normally he would have been worried about his senpai seeing it and it getting awkward between them. But he didn't want to be responsible anymore. He wanted this man. And if it screwed up their relationship that wouldn't be his fault alone.

Tomo circled his arms around Shingo's waist, pulling him closer. That was when Shingo felt something harder than it was supposed to be pushing to his thigh. It was like a wake-up call.

_Holy shit. We can't. We can't do this. I gotta stop this._

Shingo suddenly broke the kiss, let go of Yamashita and stepped away, leaving a surprised man behind, he rushed back to his dresser.

"Do you… Don't you… Don't you wanna go eat something tonight?" he asked awkwardly as he started to put his T-shirt on. He was desperate to ensure Yamashita wouldn't think they can't still be friends after this. What if Yamashita got a hard-on from Shingo kissing him? Shingo got one just remembering their first kiss. It was normal. Just a bodily function to kissing someone they found attractive. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Tomo was not sure he heard well. _Did he seriously just ask that? Now?!_ He couldn't even reply, so he was just staring at the other man's back instead.

"You were telling me about that Tarasomething place before. I wanted to go after that but I couldn't find it. Maybe you could take me there!" Shingo laughed nervously.

He was serious. Tomo personally thought they had crossed that border this time after which they couldn't just go back to being senpai-kouhai anymore. At least it was definitely crossing borders in him. He definitely wasn't up for pretending nothing happened after it was exposed to Katori-san what exactly it was doing to him. No.

It was very unlike Yamashita not to respond. Shingo suspected he screwed it up, but seeing the younger man's furious eyes as he glanced back at him was still shocking. He has never seen this always sweet and understanding man like that.

"Is something... wrong?" Shingo was desperate to try and keep it casual.

"Nothing," Tomo replied at last, leaving away the polite form for the first time since Shingo knew him.

With this Tomo went back to his own dresser too and started to change into his private clothes as fast as he could. Shingo was staring at him pensively. He never wanted this thing they had going on between them to ruin their good relationship. That was why he tried to stop it before it was too late. But he wasn't sure what was the right thing to do anymore.

"See you…" started Tomo as he was about to leave, but Shingo suddenly grabbed his wrist.

"Wait, I…" Shingo had no idea what to say. He had never seen Yamashita mad before.

It was also the first time for Tomo to see his senpai this embarrassed. It was kind of cute. Apparently, he couldn't even stop thinking such things when he was mad at him.

Shingo was staring at his hand holding Yamashita's wrist. When he finally looked up, the younger man reached out for his neck with his free hand and pulled him down for a kiss. Shingo kissed him back immediately, even if he still wasn't sure it was the right thing to do. But… Yamashita obviously wanted it too.

Soon they moved to the small sofa in the middle of the dressing room, not even sure which one of them initiated their steps there.

Shingo gave up. There was no point in trying to back out of this anymore. He wanted Yamashita more than anything. And apparently Yamashita wanted him, too. With trembling hands he pushed up Yamashita's shirt and started to caress the younger man's hot skin.

Tomo broke the kiss and let his lips wander downwards, kissing that thick, strong neck he wanted to taste for a long time already. Shingo hissed. Slowly pulling out his hands from under Tomo's shirt, only so he could go on to unbutton it. Tomo leaned back and looked at him pensively. Shingo grinned, a bit unsure, but reached up to cup Yamashita's muscular pecs and kiss the smooth skin on his collarbones.

"You're beautiful," Shingo mumbled against the younger man's skin.

Tomo moaned as Shingo started to nibble on his nipples. He got fully hard this time. His desire got the best of him, and without thinking he pushed the other man back on the sofa. As their hard members touched through their pants, Shingo pulled away once again.

"Wait," he hissed. Afraid he was going to offend Yamashita again, he added, "I want it... A lot. But not here. I live only about a 20-30 minutes drive..."

Tomo pushed himself up with his arms, looking down to Shingo confused. Did he really just invite him to his place? Tomo knew that Katori-san was particular about sharing his address - or any means of contact for that matter - with people in the entertainment world. Tomo was privileged enough to know his phone number, but he never thought Katori-san would ever invite him to his place.

"Let me just get ready!" said Shingo reassuringly as Yamashita backed off him to the opposite corner of the sofa. "Did your manager take you?"

"Yes..." Tomo couldn't bring himself to look up, he was too embarrassed of his obvious arousal now that Katori-san dragged him back to reality once again.

"Message him that we're going out for a few beers. I came with my own car today."

"Is it really okay?"

"Yes." Shingo was still way too turned on to think rationally. "I'm… I'm gonna go take a shower while you do."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by [TokuSwag](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TokuSwag) (Check out her SMAP fics, too!)

Tomo had never had sex with a man. He had definitely thought about it before, but now that it was actually happening, he was both excited and scared.

He basically spent his teenage years in love with one of his best friends, who happened to be male. A straight guy, so all Tomo could do was wait till his feelings calmed into simple friendship. Even if it took him years. But as a teenage boy in the peak of his sexual awakening and in love with another boy, he obviously started to long for things he couldn't have.

However, this time it was different.

Tomo was so nervous though that for a second he considered giving up, but then Shingo kissed him and he was lost. His heart was beating like it wanted to break out of his chest. Kissing him back as if his life depended on it. He couldn't remember ever wanting anyone quite this much. He wanted all of this man, all at once.

_Uuuuuuwaaaaaa_ , Shingo thought unintelligibly as Yamashita landed on top of him. His mind blown away by just how much this man wanted him. Yamashita's eagerness alone had made Shingo hard. It was so intoxicating.

Tomo felt tipsy and not necessarily from the beer they drank in order to _lighten_ the mood when they had arrived at Shingo's place. He felt the other man's hands wandering under his shirt. Those hands felt hot on his skin. As Shingo continued caressing him, Tomo felt like he was burning alive.

He rubbed his crotch against Shingo's, leaving them both panting. Seemed like kissing alone did it for them both. Tomo continued to mindlessly grind against him, while he shyly let his hands wander under the other man's shirt to caress the soft skin. His eyes were burning with lust when Shingo looked up to his face.

That was it. Shingo couldn't just take it anymore. He turned them around, pushing the other man down on the bed this time. Before Tomo could catch his breath, Shingo pulled the younger man's shirt off him and started to shower his tummy with kisses. Hands running over Yamashita's body, caressing each and every one of those nice muscles. Shingo couldn't help grinning to himself as he cupped the famous YamaPi pecs. Happy he could finally touch all that he'd been admiring.

Tomo pushed his waist up needily, grinding his crotch to Shingo's again. The older man moaned, having to close his eyes for a second.

"Can I touch you down there?" Shingo hissed.

_Oh, god, yes!_ was what Tomo wanted to say but he just couldn't actually say that out loud. Katori-san was still his senpai, he couldn't suddenly get so informal. Though making out at his senpai's place might not exactly be how formal relationships worked either.

Yamashita didn't reply, so Shingo pulled away a bit, looking at him concerned. "It's okay, we can stop! Nothing happened yet that we can't just forget about."

_Are you sure of that?!_

"No, no, no! I don't... Please..." replied Tomo finally, gesturing over his whole body. Because yeah, Katori-san could have it _all_. Tomo didn't want anything but Katori-san to have it all.

Shingo smiled in relief and kissed Yamashita softly, slowly trailing a hand between the younger man's thighs. Yamashita squeaked a bit when Shingo grabbed him through his jeans. Smirking into the kiss, Shingo started to gently palm his crotch.

With trembling fingers Tomo grabbed Shingo's shirt and pulled it over his head. With messy hair Shingo smiled down at him, and Tomo had to swallow. _Why did this man need to be so handsome?_

In a few moments, Shingo also managed to open the belt of Yamashita's pants. He grabbed the fabric on both sides and got them off in one go including the underwear. He had to take a deep breath as he looked upon Yamashita's now naked body.

"Wow," slipped the word of appreciation out of Shingo's mouth. "You're _big_."

Not like he was any smaller, but with Shingo's body being considerably bigger in proportion in other parts, it was indeed impressive.

Tomo let out an embarrassed laugh, pulling up one of his legs to try and cover his groin with it.

"Hey, no need!" Shingo put his hands on the younger man's knees, gently opening his legs again. "You're perfect."

Seriously, was there anything _not_ perfect about this man? Shingo really started to feel a little insecure. It's not like Yamashita hadn't seen him almost naked in their dressing room before, but in this specific situation he was a lot more self-conscious about it. The last time he had sex with a man he was 20, still thin and even somewhat muscularly defined. Now he had quite a few extra kilos that hid his abs. Being intimate with women was easy. He couldn't start comparing himself to them. But it was another man. A man with a perfect, young and muscular body, as well as his decent sized package. He wished he could have found just one thing not perfect on him, so he wouldn't have had to feel embarrassed about his own inadequacies. Was this beautiful man even really okay being with him?

"No..." mumbled Tomo. "You are."

It snapped Shingo out of spiralling into the depth of his insecurities. He looked up surprised; he didn't expect a reply. "Hmm? What?"

"Perfect..." Tomo finally looked right at him. His eyes were burning with lust. There was no place for lies there, Shingo could tell he meant it. To him, Shingo was more than perfect. The man of his dreams, literally.

Shingo's heart started to bounce in his chest. He was so incredibly happy to be wanted _so much_ by the person he was _this_ attracted to.

Meanwhile Tomo's brain let his instincts take the lead again. He grabbed Shingo's hips and started to pull off the loose sweatpants. In the process Shingo laid down on his side next to Yamashita. Tomo swallowed hard as he revealed Shingo's erection. He was totally turning this man on. As much as he was turned on by him.

"May I...?" Tomo asked shyly.

"Of course," mumbled Shingo, blushing.

Tomo turned on his side too and moved closer, kissing Shingo before he cautiously circled his fingers around the older man's shaft and started to caress the sensitive skin. Shingo hissed and broke the kiss, closing his eyes and breathing shallow.

Tomo had never touched another man's penis before. It was weird. But seeing the pleasure lighting up that handsome face was great. Looking at the changes in Katori-san's expression as he tried to pump a bit faster. He could feel his own erection getting painfully hard just by this image. Their faces were so close, but Shingo kept his eyes shut, so Tomo felt safe to watch him. When the man finally opened them, they were burning with desire. He smiled at Tomo, then reached out for the younger man's hip, caressing the smooth skin there before moving his hands to his inner thigh. Tomo's heart was beating twice the normal speed in anticipation. He wanted to be touched so bad. He wanted Katori-san's touch so bad.

Then it finally happened. Tomo helplessly moaned as Shingo started to pump. He fell out of rhythm with the movements of his own hand, because it was all just so overwhelming. Tomo pushed his forehead to Shingo's; trying to adjust to his rhythm, but instead both of them just started to pump faster and faster, breathing heavily into each other's face.

"Wait…" moaned Tomo. "I want to…"

"Stop?" asked Shingo, panting. He immediately pulled his hand back from Yamashita.

"No…" mumbled Tomo, trying to calm down his own breathing.

"You wanna..." Shingo cleared his throat, "go all the way?"

"Only if Katori-san does too," answered Tomo diligently.

_Pfff, acting all polite again, you didn't look like you would have accepted rejection back in the dressing room._

Shingo clenched his jaw nervously. It just hit him how long it had been since he was last intimate with a man. Since he had been _this_ attracted to a man. Well, to be honest, maybe he had never even been this attracted to a man before. He could feel his heart racing only looking at Yamashita. It's been a very long while since he found himself this attracted to _anyone._

It had been also forever since he last had sex outside a relationship. Let alone with a man. Suddenly he was super nervous. He spent most of his adult life committed, so he wasn't even sure he remembered how casual sex worked anymore.

"You've done this before, I suppose?" He asked instead of replying.

Tomo swallowed nervously. He didn't know what to say. He panicked Katori-san would back out if he told him he was going to be his first. He didn't really understand why he was so obsessed with this man, but he had been dreaming about it for so long. _Literally_ dreaming. He wanted Katori-san more than anything. "Ye-yes," he lied at the end.

Shingo nodded. "And... top or bottom?"

Of course, that needed to be decided. Lately Tomo dreamed about having sex with Katori-san almost every night. And in most of his dreams, he had Katori-san top him. As he had only ever had sex with women, he used to think he would naturally prefer taking the active role if he ever acted on his attraction for men, so he was quite surprised it usually wasn't how his dreams went. However, he was super curious to find out how it _really_ felt.

Also, if he ended up being on top, he would need to prepare Katori-san, right? He had never actually done that to anyone before. He remembered reading it was super important though. He could hurt him. He definitely wouldn't risk that. Even if he remembered reading in the same article that on the receiving end, it could hurt a lot during the first time. But he was good with pain. It was going to be alright. He would have rather been in pain himself than take any chances of hurting Katori-san. After all, it was his neediness that made the other man give in to this. _Gosh, I hope he has done this before!?_

"Bottom," he said, biting his lower lip and looking away, hoping Katori-san would think he was just shy, that's why the answer took him so long.

"Ah, good!" commented Shingo, relieved. "I mean, I've... only ever been on top," he admitted, suddenly a little embarrassed about his lack of experience.

Yamashita looked back at him, his huge eyes wide open, cheeks burning, lust and determination on his face. He was so damn hot _and_ cute.

Yeah, Shingo wanted it, too. A lot.

"So, are we... going for it? That way? Are you sure you want to?" Shingo was nervous that he was killing the mood with too many questions, but they needed to be asked.

"I am," said Tomo, suddenly with some confidence. Now he just had to try and _not_ think about how on earth _that_ will fit in him.

"Okay," finalized Shingo nervously. "Let me go find a condom and some lube then…"

Shingo got out of bed, buttnaked, and headed for his storage room. He normally kept a ready-to-use stock of _everything_ regardless if he used it or not, and felt anxious if he saw his stock not having at least five backups of every item. However, the thing is, he hadn't really been checking on his sex related stock in the past few years, given he didn't have anyone to use them with. _What if they expired?!_ Well, expired lube would still definitely be better than no lube. As for the condom, it's not like he could get Yamashita pregnant anyway. Whatever he had, it was gonna do. And tomorrow he will order a fresh stock of everything.

Meanwhile Tomo grabbed his phone from the armchair he threw it on when they entered the bedroom. Ignoring the notifications from his mom and sister, he quickly googled "first time bottoming" to make sure he knew what he was doing now that it was happening for real. He had some basic knowledge, but he wasn't necessarily prepared to play the role of someone with experience. _Congrats on your great idea, Tomohisa!_ He had been casually looking up some info on "gay sex" lately, for the first time in years. Partly because his guilt for thinking about his senpai _that way_ subsided a bit after two very reciprocated make out sessions, and partly because those two occasions made him start to secretly hope that _maybe_ this was heading in the direction where having sex with the literal man of his dreams wouldn't be just a dream anymore.

Tomo placed the phone on the nightstand and sat down on the bed as he heard the other man's footsteps getting closer, hoping for the best.

Shingo stopped in the door, instinctively covering himself with the unopened box of condoms and the sealed tube of lube in his hands, as he spotted the other man watching him.

"Hey," Tomo greeted him with a shy smile.

"Hey..." repeated Shingo. He took a deep breath and walked back to the bed, climbing next to the other man. "So, ugh, are you _still_ sure you want this?"

Tomo looked in those soft brown eyes, as Shingo nervously clenched his jaw.

"I am," he said as confidently as his racing heart let him. "What about you?"

"Me too..." mumbled Shingo.

Tomo leaned forward and put a hand on the other man's nape, gently pulling him closer and kissing him softly. Shingo closed his eyes and instinctively wrapped his arms around the younger man, pulling him close. He was so nervous. He really didn't want Yamashita to notice; he felt stupid and lame for it.

"Any preference for position?" Shingo blushed.

It didn't miss Tomo's attention, and he was sure that Katori-san being shy was the cutest thing in the whole world. He only realized he was supposed to answer when the man's questioning eyes met his.

"I… wanna see your face," replied Tomo honestly at the end.

Shingo smiled widely in relief. He wanted to see Yamashita's face too. He really had no interest in having a one night stand with anyone else, so he didn't want to forget it was Yamashita for even just a second. The thought of Yamashita possibly feeling the same way made Shingo secretly happy.

Despite picking the position himself, Tomo couldn't keep looking at Katori-san as he pulled up his legs and inserted a finger down there. He was sure he had never felt this embarrassed in his whole life. He kept wondering if it was okay at all to have his senpai do something like _this._

"Are you nervous?" Shingo asked a few minutes later, noticing how tense Yamashita was, still. "I'm... doing it properly! I would never hurt you," he mumbled shyly, probably also to calm himself. It's been 15 years since he last had sex with a man, so he could only hope he remembered everything he learned back then.

It was different from those silly one night stands anyway. About this man he cared. A lot.

Shingo concluded when he was twenty that casual sex wasn't for him, and yet here he was. What was he even doing? He normally had trouble trusting people, but somehow Yamashita he trusted since day one. It was weird, and might have actually been the first time in Shingo's life that he let someone close to himself so fast. And just as fast, it escalated to _this._

It was probably in Yamashita's nature; he made everyone feel safe immediately. And this Yamashita was now lying in front of Shingo naked, giving himself up to him completely. No way he would do anything that might hurt this precious man.

Shingo continued preparing his partner, not missing a chance to shower his chest with kisses in the meantime. Yamashita's hands slid into his hair, and Shingo looked up to him smiling.

Tomo felt like his heart had skipped a beat; Katori-san was just _so_ handsome. He had to try his hardest not to think about where this attractive man's fingers were buried. This whole situation still felt awkward, but at least he mostly got used to Shingo's fingers sliding in and out of him, scissoring inside. Every once in a while they hit a sensitive spot that made Tomo's body shake with sudden pleasure.

Long minutes passed before the fingers were removed. Shingo pulled himself up to the height of the younger man's head, and kissed him again.

"So..." started Shingo after breaking the kiss, his expression slowly turning into a mischievous grin. _"Are you ready for the Monster?"_ He laughed, playful lights in his eyes.

Tomo didn't even understand it at first. Something English, but why? Then it clicked and he laughed too, feeling a bit less nervous now that the older man successfully broke the serious air a bit.

"Yes," Tomo replied seriously, looking Shingo in the eye. Then grinned and added, _"Come on, let's dance!"_

Shingo laughed and playfully hit Tomo's head. Leaning in for just one more kiss before sitting up between the younger man's legs, rolling on a condom and applying some more lube.

Tomo grabbed the sheets in his fists as Shingo slowly pushed in. Throwing his head to the side and biting his lip. He felt like his lower body was going to tear apart. It was thick. Filling him up completely. He could feel it pulsing inside. _Oh my god._ It all felt weird and indeed a little painful, but it was also mind-blowingly arousing.

_This was it._ It suddenly hit him. This time they really crossed a line after which it would be hard, if not impossible, to come back from. To be senpai-kouhai again.

"It's been a while for you too, huh?" asked Shingo through his teeth, trembling from the urge to start moving right away. Even after such a long preparation, Yamashita was still incredibly tight. It felt heavenly around him, but he was worried it wasn't the case for Yamashita. "Tell me when you're ready. Or if you wanna stop. Now or at any time, okay?"

Shingo felt like an idiot. He was sure sex wasn't supposed to have this much talking. This was fooling around, not their virginal wedding night. They weren't even in a relationship. It wasn't anything serious. But then why was he so nervous and worried about whether the other man was enjoying it? Yamashita was probably thinking that he was ridiculous.

Maybe because Yamashita was his kouhai and he felt responsible for him? Well, if he really felt so responsible, he wouldn't have risked the careers of them both by kissing said kouhai in the dressing rooms of TV stations. He turned to Nakai-kun for advice about doing this senpai thing when he first started to work with Yamashita, and this wasn't exactly in his description. Gosh, he would be _so mad_ at him if he ever got to know about this.

"I'm ready!" Tomo was looking up to Shingo with an encouraging smile, once again breaking him out of his thought spiral.

Shingo pulled out with a relieved sigh and pushed back a little faster this time. Tomo squeaked, grabbing the sheets again. Shingo hit _something_ inside that sent waves of pleasure tangling into the dull feeling of pain his dumb body caused with protesting against the idea of being taken this way.

Shingo leaned forward in between Yamashita's legs, "Just hold on to me," he mumbled.

With the next diffident thrust Tomo indeed reached out and circled his arms around Shingo's neck. The older man happily wrapped his arms around him too, as he started to slowly move in and out.

Tomo instinctively tightened his embrace even more. They were so close, he could practically feel Shingo's heart beating against his own chest. His breathing against his neck where the man's face was buried. It was probably as close as was physically possible, but Tomo still wanted _more._ He ran his hands in Shingo's hair, and gently made Shingo turn his head to the side, while pulling his own head away just enough so he could look him in the eyes.

Shingo's glance was hazy behind his wet bangs. "Yamashita…" he called out, voice breaking and suddenly forgetting to thrust. Tomo closed the gap and gave Shingo an open-mouthed kiss. That did it, Shingo kissed back desperately, instinctively moving his hips faster, making the younger man moan into the kiss.

When Tomo's moans started to obviously sound a lot more like pleasure than anything else, Shingo pushed himself up with one arm so he could take care of his partner's erection too. The initial discomfort Tomo felt wasn't enough to take away from his excitement, so by now his member was aching for attention.

Shingo was pretty sure he would have sore muscles the next day from balancing on one hand, but it was absolutely worth it. His heart was racing just looking at the man under him. He wanted it to be good so much. For both of them, but especially for Yamashita. He wanted to make him… happy. So very happy. 

"Does it… feel good…?" Shingo hissed.

Tomo was a mess, hands covering his face, muffled moans and muscles strained all over his body. It wasn't bad. Not at all. But it was way too much pleasure and all kinds of new sensations, all at the once, he would have liked to scream.

"Ye-yes…" he managed to squeeze out between his teeths. Shingo kept hitting that sensitive spot inside his body, and Tomo felt like he was gonna lose his mind from the intense rush of pleasure every single time.

Shingo slowed down, pacing his thrust to the moving of his hand. 

"Yamashita," growled Shingo. He knew he wouldn't last very long. He knew and hated it. It had been too long since he last had sex, so now it was simply overwhelming. He was basically on the edge since he entered the younger man's body.

Tomo looked at him through his fingers. "Yes?"

"I'm... I-----" It was the last thing Shingo managed to say before he came, hard.

It hit him even more suddenly than he expected. He felt so awkward he started to laugh uncontrollably. Pulling out and falling on the bed next to his partner, he hid his face in a pillow.

Shingo only gave himself a few minutes to regain control over his body, but it was enough for Tomo to start feeling embarrassed. He was still hard, and literally the person of his wildest dreams lying next to him naked and sweaty didn't exactly help it go away. No way he was gonna be touching himself in front of his senpai though.

Luckily, before he could get farther in thoughts, Shingo turned his glance to him. "I'm so sorry..." he mumbled, face red, obviously embarrassed. "Lemme just grab a towel or something so we don't make a mess!" he said and immediately jumped out of the bed.

Ripping the cupboard open in the bathroom and taking out a towel. Shingo fast got rid of the used condom and cleaned himself up a bit, then headed right back to Yamashita. It should have been only a few minutes.

Not wasting any more time Shingo dropped the towel next to Yamashita, then pulled the man to his chest. Embracing him from behind, Shingo reached over for his still hard penis. "Sorry I made you wait," he mumbled to the younger man's ear, making him shiver. Shingo continued with kissing his neck and nibbling on his earlobe while moving his hand faster and faster.

Tomo felt like he was gonna lose his mind. His disappointment from earlier was long gone. He was so overwhelmed with pleasure, he was unable to hold himself anymore.

Shingo could feel his whole weight against his body. He looked down to the man in his arms; his hair was messy, cheeks flushed, eyes hazy, lips slightly swollen from kissing so much that night. At that moment he was sure it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Tomo turned his head to the side, and Shingo immediately closed the distance. Kissing him as he came.

Tomo had to catch his breath so he broke the kiss, but as he overcame the first wave of his orgasm, he immediately regretted it. He glanced back to Shingo who was still holding him close, eyes shining as he watched him. As if he could read Tomo's thoughts he leaned in and kissed him again.

A few minutes later Tomo finally regained control over his body. He turned to his side so he could face Shingo, while not breaking the kiss even for a second. He shyly ran his hands over Shingo's broad chest, caressing the smooth skin, then moving down to his waist. He really couldn't get enough of him.

Shingo jolted a bit as Yamashita was touching the area where he had some extra fluff he was insecure about. He opened his eyes, nervous the younger man would be put off. Not like he had any body parts left Yamashita hadn't seen after tonight, and he most probably already touched him there too when Shingo's attention was distracted by another body part of his. 

Yamashita didn't seem to mind it now either. He continued to caress the older man's soft sides, posessively squeezing them a bit before he moved on to roam his back with his fingertips. Shingo smiled into the kiss relieved, and grabbed Yamashita by his hips too, pulling him in and sliding his hand to the man's bottom.

_Gosh._ Shingo still couldn't believe this breathtakingly beautiful man let him have him. Moreover, he had wanted to have sex with him so badly.

They continued lazily making out and exploring each other's bodies. They couldn't have told if hours passed or just mere minutes, but neither of them cared. It was like they both wanted to get as much of the other as possible before it was inevitably over.

_Or was it?_

"Uhh, Yamashita?" Shingo called out sheepishly, finally breaking the kiss for the first time in what felt like forever. "Would you, uhh, want to do it one more time?"

The younger man looked at him confused, so Shingo had to gesture at his crotch, where he was very obviously hard and ready to go again.

Tomo swallowed. Once his still hazy brain caught up, he knew the answer immediately. It wasn't really a question. It was Katori Shingo! The man he had been obsessing over for weeks. Tomo thought it was a once in a lifetime miracle that Katori-san slept with him, but now he offered to do it again? The answer was always gonna be yes. "I do," he gathered all his courage and said it out loud.

Shingo didn't waste any more time, he grabbed a new condom and rolled it on. Meanwhile Tomo lied down on his back again, opening his legs as Shingo kneeled down by his hips. Shingo quickly made sure he was still properly open, added more lube, then lined up and pushed right back in.

The second time went a lot better. After climaxing once already, this time Shingo managed to keep up for a remarkably longer amount. That gave enough time for Tomo to get used to the feeling of having the man inside of him, and enjoy it properly. He even got hard again towards the end, and this time Shingo managed to push them both over the edge at about the same time.

Shingo collapsed on top of Yamashita as he came. He felt exhausted but knowing his pride was restored made his orgasm all the more satisfying. His whole body was numb, thus probably heavy for the younger man, but he couldn't move just yet.

After a few minutes of both panting heavily, Shingo finally managed to gather enough strength to at least turn to his side, relieving his partner from most of his weight but still leaving one arm and a leg thrown over him. Tomo sighed as Shingo finally slipped out of him, and immediately wiggled closer so they didn't lose skin to skin connection with any other part.

Shingo smiled and hugged him close, kissing his head gently before closing his eyes and letting the afterglow take him over.

Tomo's heart was still beating a lot faster than usual, but the closeness and warmth of Shingo's soft body against his slowly calmed him down. He couldn't help but close his eyes for a bit too.

Shingo sighed. He wouldn't have said it was the best sex of his life. It was, all in all, kind of awkward. But still he felt so unreasonably... happy. Even now that his orgasm had passed already. Weird. But it was probably simply because he hadn't had sex in such a long time.

It probably shouldn't have happened now, either. Seriously, how did he end up in bed with his coworker again? It was pure passion back in the dressing room, the heat of the moment as they were both weirdly turned on after their performance. However, while coming here they both got enough time to calm down and become aware of what they were up to. It was awkward. But they did it anyway. Twice.

"Yamashita…" Shingo called out silently, but the younger man didn't reply. Shingo opened his eyes and propped himself up on an elbow, looking down curiously at Yamashita. He appeared to have fallen asleep while Shingo was lost in his thoughts. Cheeks still flushed, he was so beautiful... Shingo didn't have the heart to wake him up, so he very carefully lifted his arm and leg he still had thrown over the peacefully sleeping man, and after gently wiping Yamashita's belly clean with the towel at hand, he got out of the bed. The younger man didn't even move an inch.

First of all Shingo spread the duvet and an extra blanket over the naked man's body and put the heating on a higher degree to make sure he won't catch a cold. It was December already, after all. Shingo collected his clothes from the bed and the floor and threw them in the laundry, then folded Yamashita's and put them on a chair. Even when he arrived back from the shower, Yamashita was still sleeping in the exact same position as when he left him. _Ugh, I may have exhausted him a bit too much…_ Shingo quietly opened his pajama wardrobe and chose one of his less embarrassing pieces to wear in front of his guest.

_What if he has work in the morning though, we can't just sleep like this..._ He thought to himself as he slipped back in the bed. Taking his phone in his hand, he gently shook the younger man's shoulder.

"Hey..."

"Hmm?" Tomo was obviously still more asleep than awake.

"What time do you have to go to work tomorrow?" Shingo tried to speak loud and clear. Yamashita still hadn't opened his eyes.

"Only at 11," he mumbled in reply.

"Great! Then... wanna stay for breakfast?"

"Hmm."

Shingo smiled like an idiot, wondering why he was so ridiculously happy about this. After some thinking, he set the alarm for 8 am so they had time to eat, get ready, and Yamashita to get wherever he needed to go.

It was way too early compared to when Shingo usually went to sleep, but he couldn't imagine leaving Yamashita's side. He wanted to sleep with him—as it turned out, not just metaphorically. He couldn't even understand it himself. And just as irrationally, he felt like cuddling up to Yamashita again. However, now it couldn't have been explained with afterglow induced infatuation anymore, so he really shouldn't have done it. Sleeping cuddled up was something he liked to do, and it seemed his muscle memory told his brain it was something he should do with people he had sex with. But it wasn't. It was something he should do with people he was _dating._ This was just sex. Right?

He glanced over at Yamashita again, and could feel his heart bounce just from watching him sleep. Shingo shook his head. _No,_ he told himself strictly. Luckily his body was rather tired after all the excitement and the special work-out he didn't really get to do lately, so he fell asleep soon after he switched off the night lamp.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by [TokuSwag](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TokuSwag) (Check out her SMAP fics, too!)

Tomo woke up before Shingo. Opening his eyes, the first thing he saw was his peacefully sleeping senpai's face just a few centimeters away from his own. Next, he realized he was still completely naked. And that he had an arm and a leg thrown over his naked body under the duvet. And lastly a blunt pain down there. It was a kind of pain he wasn't used to.

Then, it finally hit him.

_Gosh, he had sex with a man._

This man next to him.

The man he'd been so incredibly obsessed with.

He had sex with Katori Shingo.

He suddenly didn't care about the pain anymore, and couldn't help smiling like an idiot. But then he noticed another thing; unlike him, the other man was wearing pajamas. A short sleeved one with shorts, definitely rather fit for summer than winter.

_Oh._

Next he realized he wasn't cold. Sleeping naked in December was quite a risky thing to do, and he sure should normally be cold. Only then he heard the noise of the heater working on full power and noticed the extra blanket over the duvet covering his naked body. He suddenly felt very embarrassed. He had no memories of falling asleep. He didn't even know if Katori-san liked him staying over or not. He didn't ask. He just fell asleep. Troubling his host with having to figure out how to save him from catching a terrible cold. While he was dead asleep.

Gosh, he didn't even take a shower! After being covered in the sweat of the two of them and climaxing twice... He just fell asleep in someone else's bed like that. _So gross!_

"Agh..." Shingo raised his head an inch, looking at Yamashita with one half open eyes. "Why are you up so early?"

_Here. Now he even woke Katori-san up with his nervous wiggling._

"I'm sorry," mumbled Tomo, looking away. The older man was still half lying on top of him, and he was super embarrassed to have a conversation like this.

Shingo dropped his head back on Tomo's shoulder, closing his eyes again and snuggling even closer. "Just a little more..."

Tomo swallowed. _Did Katori-san... not find this awkward?_

Another hour and half passed, though for Tomo it felt a lot longer. He tried to stay as still as he could, in order not to wake up the other man, but he couldn't fall back asleep, no way. He was panicking it wasn't the right thing to do. Katori-san was asleep, if he was properly awake, he definitely wouldn't want to sleep cuddled up with Tomo. Right? Especially since he didn't even take a shower. What if he will be disgusted when he wakes up and realizes he'd been touching him? Maybe he should have taken the chance and gotten out of bed when Katori-san was half-awake, and gone to take a shower. It was too late now though. Especially because he should have done that _yesterday._ He should have probably _gone home_ yesterday.

Lying in bed all cuddled up with the man who made him weak in the knees made him quite restless. He was super nervous. Embarrassed. Excited. And... happy. Weird how fast his heart was beating when it was "only" being snuggled in to. Considering how they went all the way the previous night. Twice. It was nothing compared to that. And still.

"Morning," sounded a muffled voice from the direction of the older man. Shingo gathered the power and propped up to an elbow, pulling back his other arm and leg that he had thrown over Yamashita until then. "Uh, sorry, old habits…" he mumbled, embarrassed as his brain registered that he did end up snuggling to the other man at the end. "I'm awake now! I swear!" he added, rubbing his face to wake himself up. "Could you get some more sleep at least?" The younger man shook his head, smiling awkwardly. "Didn't you say you weren't a morning person, either? One of those days we started shooting very early..." Shingo yawned and turned to his back to stretch his body. Tomo took the chance and moved a bit more away from the other man.

"I'm gonna go make us some breakfast," started Shingo through another yawn. "You can take a shower in the meantime. I took out towels and a toothbrush for you yesterday."

 _When he didn't even take a shower, yeah..._ Tomo still couldn't fight these thoughts back even though he had to realize Katori-san apparently didn't find any of this hateful. He was acting so casual with him. _As if they were together..._ Nah, he was probably just nice like that.

Shingo gave Yamashita an encouraging smile before he got up. Tomo immediately shot up too.

"And... here are your clothes!" Shingo turned around to point at the pile of clothes he carefully folded yesterday. "But I will try to find a new pair of underwear and a t-shirt for you at least. I'll put them in the bathroom by the time you finish."

With that, Shingo left the bedroom. Tomo was sitting on the bed, still completely naked under the duvet, looking at his pile of clothes blankly. Flashes of last night came back to him, flashes of Katori-san taking those clothes off him and throwing them on the floor. He shook his head, trying to get the image out of it. _Stop it and go take a shower, you're gross,_ he scolded himself.

Shingo headed to his wardrobe room first, trying to find the plainest and smallest unused underwear and t-shirt he owned. Taking them to the bathroom, he couldn't help but take a glance at Yamashita's silhouette through the frosted glass of the shower door. He had to swallow. _Why was this man so damn sexy?_

He fast escaped to the kitchen, and put on coffee and rice before starting to make miso soup. He barely ever cared to make such a decent breakfast if it was just him, but he still couldn't get rid of the need to impress the other man and cooking was one of his strong points. He was smiling to himself, going through his memories of last night as he was preparing all the ingredients.

Yamashita entered the kitchen shortly. The t-shirt Shingo found for him was still too big for the smaller man, even if it was one of Shingo's rare fitting ones. Plain white with a black Mickey Mouse silhouette on the front. That with Yamashita's unstyled, long bangs made him look so cute Shingo wanted to shriek.

"Breakfast will be ready in five!" he said instead. "Make yourself at home!" Shingo gestured at the high chair on the other side of the counter table.

"I'm sorry for the trouble," mumbled Tomo.

"Nah, it's no trouble at all!" Shingo assured him. "Do you need me to drive you somewhere? Or can your manager come pick you up?"

"Would it be okay if he did?"

"Sure. You can tell him we ended up drinking here and you stayed over. That's not even a lie."

"Thank you," mumbled Tomo, suddenly embarrassed as it reminded him that they did things he shouldn't share with his manager. Lucky that drinking with his senpai had been a thing even before _this,_ so from his manager's point of view, this situation was probably not weird at all. "But is it really okay? I know you are particular about giving out your contact information…"

Shingo laughed. "I give out my contact information to shops all the time. I trust employees to be professional and not misuse my personal information. Your manager picking you up and taking you to work is part of his job, I trust him to do it properly. He is the employee of my company anyway, he has no reason to exploit it."

Tomo nodded; that made sense. "What time should I tell him?" he asked, taking his phone in his hand. He had a bunch of new notifications from his mom and sister, so he quickly texted them, reassuring them that he was alright and was gonna talk to them later.

"Whenever you need to leave to get to wherever you are going. I have today off. You... I don't want you to rush." _You don't have to rush,_ was what Shingo originally wanted to say, but he knew Yamashita well enough already. He would think Shingo was just being polite, so it was more efficient to be direct with him.

Though, what he really meant was more like _I want you to stay as long as it is just possible._ But that might have been a bit too much and misunderstandable after he was apparently snuggling to him all night.

Tomo was staring at Shingo for a bit, but the older man didn't look up from his cooking. "I'll tell him to pick me up at 10 am then," he said at the end.

Shingo glanced at the clock. "Great, we have almost two more hours! Is this how life is when you're a morning person?" He laughed. "So, where are you going today exactly? I'm afraid you might have to ask your manager to bring you a more _fitting_ t-shirt too."

"Just a meeting about my new single. It's okay, I'll wear my jacket anyway. Thank you... I will have it dry cleaned and bring it back to you when we next meet."

"You can keep it if you want. I haven't actually worn it since I bought it. Too tight," Shingo grimaced. "Sometimes I buy things because I like how they look on the models, but by the time they arrive I realize I don't like wearing those kinds of clothes..." Shingo blushed a bit.

It made sense considering Tomo hadn't really seen him in fitting private clothes during the past _months_ they had been working together. He was sure they would look amazing on him though, just imagining those broad shoulders and wide chest in well fit clothes…

 _You saw him naked yesterday, what are you even fantasizing about?!_ Tomo wanted to hit himself on the head.

"I can't accept it," said Tomo, forcing himself back to reality. Not like reality was so bad now that he got to watch Katori-san prepare food right in front of him.

"It's okay, I like it better on you anyway!" Shingo winked at him, smiling wide.

Was Katori-san... flirting with him?!

Tomo didn't know what he was so surprised about though. Katori-san was obviously into him enough to initiate their first kiss, and have sex with him last night. Flirting after _that_ shouldn't be so shocking.

"O-okay... Thank you then..." mumbled Tomo, flattered. He was a bit disappointed he couldn't keep it as an excuse to ask Katori-san to meet him. They were done with the drama and their next MONSTERS performance was almost a month away. Tomo doubted they would casually meet up for food or drinks like before after what happened between them, so he desperately wanted an excuse to have a 'next time' he can see Katori-san.

Meanwhile Shingo finished preparing the breakfast. He might have gone a bit overboard, the menu screamed 'Katori Shingo attempting to impress his crush with something he was good at' _loudly._ He forgot to ask if Yamashita preferred Japanese or Western, and sweet or salty breakfast, so at the end he panicked and decided to just make it _all._ He had prepared some grilled salmon, rice, miso soup, natto, sausages, scrambled and boiled eggs, fries, salad, bread, jam, cereal and fruits.

"The Katori Hotel presents our buffet style breakfast. All you can eat." Shingo laughed, trying to cover how embarrassed he was. He only realized just how overboard he went when he looked through the table after putting the last thing on it. By then, it was too late to pack away at least half of it, which would have been needed to save his dignity. He felt so obvious and such a tryhard.

"Wow... Do you prepare this every time you have guests?" Tomo was staring at all the food with shining eyes.

There was the chance for Shingo to shrug it off and say yes. Act like he was just a cool host like that. But instead he sighed and told the truth, not even knowing himself why. "No."

Tomo looked up, surprised.

"I don't really have this kind of... special guest..." Shingo was gesturing at Yamashita, struggling to find a word for what he was to him.

Tomo slowly nodded though his brain was running wild trying to figure out what that meant. _Special guest?_ As in? Date? One-night stand? Do people make a whole buffet menu for a one-night stand?!

They practically didn't move from the kitchen until Tomo's manager called him. Everything was very delicious, though Tomo loved the dishes the most that Katori-san actually cooked himself. Who thought there could be such a difference between an omelet and an omelet if a master chef made it?

Tomo couldn't stop snacking on all the food. He was already sure he wouldn't need any lunch after this, but Shingo's cooking was just too good. In the meantime, they kept chatting, carefully avoiding touching on anything from last night. Shingo asked the other man about his upcoming new single and MV, and Tomo ended up admitting he wasn't a fan of the concept.

"Why don't you release the songs you write?" asked Shingo in a matter of fact tone.

"I'm not that good." Tomo nervously looked away.

"You are! Remember, I have first-hand experience with you as a songwriter!" smiled Shingo, referring to them writing MONSTERS together. "And you truly amazed me. You're so talented."

Tomo looked up at Shingo flattered, but the older man wouldn't look him in the eye.

"How about you?" asked Tomo at the end.

"How about me?" Shingo repeated, confused.

"Don't you wanna try songwriting too? You seemed to enjoy it when we did it together..." Tomo wanted to hit himself for the choice of his words there, and could only hope the other man didn't pick up how awkwardly suggestive it sounded. "You were really good too. You had so many interesting ideas, I can't believe you haven't been writing songs before!"

"Hmm," mused Shingo. "I don't know. Releasing music that's really _me_ sounds awesome. But I don't think I will ever have time for it besides the group."

Shortly the call from Yamashita's manager broke the pleasant atmosphere. Shingo felt like he was hit in the chest with reality hard as he realized that this was it, Yamashita had to leave. And as their jobs together were all done for the month, he had no idea when he would see him again.

They awkwardly stood by the door, not knowing the appropriate way to say goodbye. A kiss would be too much, right? What about a hug? A manly, professional handshake? At the end they just bowed a few times, and Tomo turned around to be on his way. He was already out of the door with one leg, but he just couldn't get himself to leave without knowing if he could ever see the other man outside work again.

"Katori-san," he suddenly turned around. "I'm sorry, but I really can't keep the t-shirt. I will have it dry cleaned and bring it back to you. Would that be okay?" he asked, voice pleading.

Shingo smiled, wide and honest. He knew what that meant. It meant seeing Yamashita again, possibly soon. Hopefully it also meant the other man wanted to see him again soon, too. "Of course, if you insist. Let me know when it is back from the dry cleaner and we can discuss a date."

Tomo felt a shiver running down his spine at the word _date._ He nodded, "I will!"

When the door finally closed behind him, Tomo had to crouch down, burying his face in his hands. There was no way he could deny it in front of himself anymore.

He was head over heels in love with Katori Shingo.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, a very flattered Katori Shingo was leaning his back against the door, heart pounding while blankly staring at the ceiling.

"Morning!" Tomo greeted his manager, as he hopped in the backseat of the car. 

"Good morning!" The manager pushed a hand towards Tomo between the seats. Tomo reached out for the small bottle in his manager's grip confused. "I assumed you would need this!" the man laughed.

Tomo looked at the bottle in his hand; it was a hangover drink. It took a second for Tomo's brain, hopelessly preoccupied with his epiphany of being in love with his senpai to click, but then he fast forced out a laugh too. _Of course._ He told his manager that he stayed over because they ended up drinking so much. "You're the best, thank you!" he said and gulped down the whole bottle at once. It tasted horrible, and the one beer he drank last night definitely didn't call for it.

At least his manager thinking he had a horrible hangover allowed him to skip talking to him. He leaned his head back to the headrest and closed his eyes, pretending he had a headache or was still sick and sleepy, but in fact he started to go through everything that happened since yesterday.

\----------------------------

"Tomo?" Rina called out as her brother basically stormed through the hallway to the door of his apartment.

Tomo turned around, obviously just noticing his sister. "Hey, sorry I didn't see you."

"Is everything okay?" Rina tilted her head to the side.

"Sure!" replied Tomo, fidgeting with his keys.

"Mom was worried about you."

Tomo rolled his eyes. "I'm almost 30!"

"You should have thought about that when you moved here! You'll always be her little boy. She was sure you got hit by a car and died until you finally replied to our messages in the morning."

"Oh, come on!" Tomo turned around to open his door, annoyed.

Rina followed behind him so naturally Tomo didn't even question her entering with him. Rina was right, Tomo had zero privacy since he moved into the same building with his family, he just didn't mind it until now. He made the move because he was lonely, so his mom and sister coming over with or without a reason didn't normally bother him at all. He was also going over for dinner almost every evening, so his mom messaging him to ask if she should save some food for him when he didn't show up was pretty normal, too.

"Well, you could have just replied to our messages." Rina shrugged.

"I was busy. And I didn't know if I was coming home for the night anyway," Tomo mumbled, finally closing the door behind his sister and kicking off his shoes.

Rina was only wearing her outdoor slippers she used for getting the mail, so she soon followed Tomo to the living room. "Well, sounds like you didn't have to worry about that! One night stand or something more serious?" She hopped on the couch, winking at her brother playfully.

However, Tomo's face suddenly went all pale upon hearing that question, breaking eye contact with his sister.

"Oh my, you're in love?!" Rina squealed. She knew that look on her brother's face. "Tell me everything! Who's the girl? Japanese? Foreigner?"

"About that..." Tomo nervously stood from one leg to the other.

Rina grabbed a pillow from the coach to hug in her excitement. "It's not official yet, is it? You seemed unsure if it's a one-night stand just now. How long has it been going on?"

"A few months..."

"Oh?! Then how are you not sure if you are dating or not?" Rina asked, confused.

"It's complicated, okay?" Tomo bit his lips.

"So she's not Japanese." 

Tomo looked back up at his sister, surprised. "How did you come to that conclusion?"

"She's leaving Japan so you guys can't start something serious, even though you would both want to," explained Rina.

Tomo laughed. "Your guessing abilities amaze me, Ms Sherlock, but no."

"So she's Japanese then?"

" _He's_ Japanese," Tomo corrected her silently.

Rina froze for a second, processing the information. "Oh. Wow. It's not him again though, is it?!"

"Of course, not! Do you really think so lowly of me? I would never put my hands on someone who is married! Plus I haven't thought about him that way for like ten years!"

"Sorry, sorry! He was just the only guy you ever mentioned being attracted to. I wasn't sure if he wasn't just... your exception." Rina nervously looked away from her pissed brother.

"I wasn't sure until now either," admitted Tomo.

"So... you stayed with this man yesterday?" Rina tried to get back to her previous gossipy tone. 

"Yeah..." Tomo blushed.

Rina giggled. "Is it going well?"

"I don't know... It was only sex. Except it wasn't. It really wasn't. But it was supposed to be."

"Awwww, Tomo," Rina stood up and walked over to her suddenly very broken-looking brother, hugging him warmly.

"I love him..." mumbled Tomo, hiding his face in his sister's hair.

Rina patted his back gently. "Have you told him that?"

"No... Too afraid to ruin what we have."

"Maybe you two could have more if you just talked to him. He might be thinking the exact same thing!"

As always, Rina was so positive. Tomo wished he resembled his sister more in that sense, but instead he got all the negativity.

"It's complicated..." he sighed, letting go of his sister.

"What can be so complicated about it?" Rina raised an eyebrow.

"We work together. And he is... my senpai."

Rina put two and two together quite fast. "Wait, is it... Katori Shingo-san?!"

Tomo nodded awkwardly.

"Oh, he's cute!" giggled Rina like a high school girl.

"I'm glad you approve!" laughed Tomo, rolling his eyes sarcastically.

"Are you planning to tell Mom?" asked Rina curiously.

"If by some miracle we end up dating, I will, of course. But for now, please keep it between us!"

"Not a word from me!" Rina raised one hand and put the other on her heart theatrically. "But prepare for her questioning, she was really very worried."

"Got it. Thank you, sis."

"You're welcome! Anyways, what's next? Do you have a plan?" Rina moved back to the couch and cuddled the pillow again.

Tomo looked down at the big Mickey Mouse t-shirt he was still wearing. He grabbed the fabric and moved the front of it a bit to get Rina's attention. "It's his. I told him I'll have it dry cleaned and deliver it back to him. He insisted I keep it first, but then agreed to it."

"Sounds like a plan! Why aren't you at the dry cleaner yet then?"

"I don't want to scare him away with messaging right on the same day..." Tomo stopped for a bit to think. "I'll message him the day after tomorrow."

"Wow, guys do this overthinking stuff too?" Rina laughed.

Tomo playfully threw a pillow from his armchair at Rina, who shot out her tongue at him in exchange.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by [TokuSwag](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TokuSwag) (Check out her SMAP fics, too!)

_"Good evening,_  
_I got your T-shirt back from the dry cleaner._  
_When would it be convenient for you to have it returned?"_

Shingo's heart immediately started pounding in his chest. He's been waiting for this message for days. Checking his phone a lot more than he dared to admit, even to himself. He also couldn't recall ever being this excited over such a formal text. Would it have been okay to ask Yamashita to bring it over right away? He couldn't care less about the t-shirt, but he wanted to see him so bad. Shingo didn't want to sound demanding, but damn, he missed him. They spent so much time together in the past months, texting each other song, MV, and concert ideas even when they weren't together. Apparently taking care of the sexual tension between them couldn't snap them back to their previous dynamics, instead made Shingo miss him even more. Now he not only missed their conversations, Yamashita's laugh, and awkwardly polite messages, but also kissing him and wrapping his arms around him.

Okay, so maybe he had a crush. It wasn't that weird, right? Yamashita was a beautiful man. And Shingo couldn't really have sex without being emotionally involved anyway.

Maybe inviting Yamashita over wasn't a very good idea then. He was pretty sure they would end up having sex again and his crush would only get _worse._ But he wanted to see him so bad. In an environment where it was okay to touch him or cuddle up to him or _kiss_ him... Wait! No, no, no kissing!

Shingo desperately shook his head. _Damn._

 _"Whenever you have time. I'm free tonight and tomorrow morning too."_ Shingo cringed at how much his message sounded like ‘Come over and stay the night,' which was indeed what he really wanted to say.

Yamashita replied right away. _"Would it be okay to take it back to you tonight? I don't wanna bother you, it's pretty late already."_

Shingo smiled widely. It sounded like Yamashita wanted to come over as soon as possible, too. Then why did it take him three days to write?!

 _"I don't usually sleep until 6 am anyway. Your choice."_ The older man tried to sound as casual as possible.

_"I'll be there in an hour then."_

Shingo put down the phone, falling to his side on the couch and trying to mute his involuntary happy squeal with a cushion.

\----------------------------

When Shingo opened the door and saw Yamashita standing there, hair unstyled, but looking cool as always _anyway,_ in tight black pants and a leather jacket over the usual white t-shirt, he knew he was lost.

After kicking off his shoes, Tomo looked back at Shingo who was still clenching the doorknob in his hand. Their eyes locked onto the other's, and suddenly it was like the whole world stopped existing. There was only the man in front of them. Before they realized it, they were kissing each other as if their life depended on it. Tomo eagerly pushed the older man against the door, and Shingo immediately placed his hands on Yamashita's hips to pull him even closer. The paper bag with the t-shirt Yamashita brought landed on the floor as they started to move towards the bedroom, only stopping kissing to remove their clothes.

"Wow..." Shingo sighed, lying back in the middle of the bed, arms and legs all stretched out around him in the wave of his orgasm. Since he therefore took up all the space, Tomo had no choice but to lay his head on his arm. Shingo instinctively turned to his side and scooped him up in a hug right away. "Oh god..." he whined, hiding his face in the younger man's nape. "This is bad."

"Bad?" Tomo asked, a bit confused and worried.

"Did you plan this when you messaged me?" asked back the older man, giggling.

"Not necessarily," admitted Tomo. He didn't dare to plan, but he did hope. To the point he sent a message to his family group chat this time, letting them know he would be out that night. Just in case. That resulted in a series of excited DMs from Rina which Tomo chose to ignore.

"Do you, uhm, want to talk about... this?" asked Shingo, carefully choosing his words.

Tomo didn't reply. He was terrified of talking about it. He was terrified Katori-san would want to end it if he realized just how serious it was for him. Being able to hang out with, hug, kiss and have sex with the person he loved, even if they weren't together as a couple, was a lot better than nothing. He didn't want to give up this little he at least had.

"Were you very nervous when we first did it?" Shingo asked absently as he skimmed through his memories from last time. "I'm sorry if I made you tense," he mumbled, kissing Yamashita's shoulder blade softly. He noticed how much more relaxed the other man was this time and it made him feel a bit worried if he was rushing him during their first time.

"No, it's not your fault!" hurried Tomo to reassure him. "They say first times are like that..."

"They say? First time?" Shingo repeated suspiciously, pulling his face away from the younger man.

 _Damn._ In the bliss of his most pleasurable sex so far with the man of his dreams, Tomo forgot he told Katori-san that he had done it before him. Which wasn't true.

"Yamashita," Shingo called out again, sitting up. The younger man didn't move or look up to him. "Did you lie to me?" Shingo's voice was suddenly cold.

"I'm sorry," mumbled Tomo, still not looking up. "I was afraid you would reject me if I told you the truth."

"So you decided to not give me a choice?! I specifically asked you!" Shingo sounded really upset. "Oh, god." He buried his face in his palms.

Tomo sat up, eyes determined. "I wanted to be with you. For quite a while already. I didn't want to risk you rejecting me over such an overrated detail. And if you are saying now that you would have rejected me if you knew, I can't even say I regretted it. It really didn't matter to me."

"I could have at least been more gentle and definitely not a second time so quickly! Damn!" Shingo's voice was muffled by his hands still covering his face.

"I don't think you could have possibly been _more_ gentle than you were. I could totally enjoy it in some parts. Especially during the second time. So please, don't feel bad about anything."

"Some parts!" Shingo repeated in a high pitched voice, falling back to the bed, face still covered.

" _Some parts_ I felt nothing but pleasure. In _all parts_ I was incredibly aroused and ecstatic to be having sex with you!" Tomo sighed. "But I'm sorry I lied to you and I'm sorry I didn't trust you more."

"I don't think I would have rejected you at that point... I probably would have suggested mouths, or hands, or something..." mumbled Shingo. He finally ran his hands up to vigorously ruffle his own hair rather than covering his face. "And by the time you got me hard for the second time, you could have probably convinced me to go all the way," he added, eyes blankly staring at the ceiling.

"It's not like I was a virgin, in case that is what you are thinking. I have had sex before, just not with men. I even have had one-night stands. I knew very well what I was getting into," Tomo sounded pissed. "I won't ask you to take responsibility and marry me, if that is your concern."

_Marriage can wait. Date me first._

"That's not it… I was super nervous about hurting you _anyway._ I barely had any experience with men either, and that was a long time ago," admitted Shingo. "You should have picked someone who knew what they were doing!"

"It wasn't about having sex with a man!" snapped Tomo. "It was about having sex _with you!"_

"I wanted to have sex with you too, obviously! But not at the expense of hurting you!"

"But _you_ didn't hurt me!" Tomo denied immediately. "My body not being used to such activity hurt me! And it wasn't even significant because _you_ took your time in preparing me!"

Shingo didn't reply.

"Maybe I should go home now..." Tomo sighed, sitting up and moving to the edge of the bed.

Shingo suddenly panicked. He felt like if he let Yamashita go now, he would never see him again. Not in private at least. He shot up, reaching out for the younger man just as he stood up, hugging him to his chest from behind, still kneeling on the bed. Tomo froze, he didn't dare to move.

"Stay the night," mumbled Shingo, face buried in Tomo's shoulder.

"I didn't bring a change of clothes... I would have to borrow that t-shirt again." Tomo tried his best not to sound flirty. He knew Shingo was rightfully mad at him, it was no time for flirting. But still, he was so relieved.

"Perfect," said Shingo immediately. There, they had a reason to meet again.

Shingo let go of Tomo, sitting back on his heels. Tomo turned around, and gathered all his courage to look Shingo in the eyes. "I shouldn't have lied to you, I'm sorry."

The older man nodded. "Have you eaten dinner?" Changing the subject instead of replying.

"I had a rice ball," replied Tomo. Though for a second he debated lying so he could eat Shingo's cooking again. But no more lies.

"That's not much. Let's take a shower, then I'll make us something quick."

Shingo got out of bed, taking a step towards the bathroom before turning back. "You're not coming? I'm sorry, but staying all gross is only allowed when you're passed out."

Tomo grimaced, obviously still embarrassed about how he fell asleep without a shower last time. "Is it really okay to go together?"

Shingo rolled his eyes. "Come on!"

It really was just a quick shower. Barely even touching each other, except one time, after Shingo had enough of Yamashita gawking at him every chance he got. 

"Stop staring at me, it's embarrassing!" scolded Shingo.

"I'm sorry..." laughed Tomo nervously. "Nothing I haven't seen before though..."

"Yeah, but now that your head isn't clouded with lust, you might realize you wouldn't have actually wanted to be with me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, look at your body, then look at mine. Wait, no, please don't do that." Shingo grimaced. "It's very clear I'm no match for you."

"The muscles?" Tomo finally started to catch up. "I don't have a specific preference for muscles on others. It's just how my body gets. Working out is my hobby. It helps me take my mind off things. It's like painting for you, just… less creative..."

Saying that out loud immediately made Tomo insecure too. What if having a similar mindset when it came to those things was important to Katori-san? What if he found him boring? He seemed to be very appreciative of Tomo's body, but what if that was what it all was? Hot enough to fuck, but not interesting enough to date. Not like he had any basis to think Katori-san would date a man to begin with.

"Well, it's not really only the muscles or lack of them," said Shingo bitterly.

Tomo shook his head to clear his thoughts, sending wet hair falling in his face, trying to understand what Katori-san was even getting at. When he looked back at him, Katori-san was still looking at him inquiringly. He had his wet hair pushed backwards, leaving his strong jawline on full exposure, and Tomo could have sworn he was the most attractive man he had ever seen.

"I stare at you because you are hot and handsome, and I still can't believe I can do all this with you," he blurted out at the end.

Shingo laughed, flustered. "That's my line!" he said with a happy smile, and pulled the very confused younger man in for a kiss.

Tomo sat in the kitchen while Shingo prepared a pasta fancier than Tomo had ever eaten from the things he found in the fridge while they chatted away about work and music.

After dinner, Shingo proposed to watch a movie but instead they spent two hours watching trailers and trying to decide. In the end it got so late that Tomo, who wasn't used to being up quite as late as Shingo, fell asleep about half an hour into the movie they had finally managed to pick.

Shingo tried to continue watching it, but he couldn't really concentrate on anything else but Yamashita's head against his shoulder. The younger man was all relaxed and fast asleep. Shingo cautiously leaned his head on top of Yamashita's. He just wanted to _try_ it, but the warmth of the smaller man's body and his peaceful breathing was so calming that before he even realized, he fell asleep too.

Shingo woke up a few hours later, when the movie was long over already. He seemed to have slid down in his sleep; his head was resting on the arm of the sofa. He felt something heavy weighing him down. _Where is Yamashita?_ Shingo finally opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was the younger man resting his head on his chest with an arm thrown across him. In the light of the screen saver emblem moving, Shingo could barely see his face, but what he could make out was enough to make his heart bounce in his chest.

This was _bad._

Before he could go into full panic, he felt Yamashita moving next to him.

"Ugh, sorry. I fell asleep..." mumbled the younger man, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Yeah, me too." Shingo tried his best to hide his nervousness. "You can move to the bed, I think I'll try to finish the movie. I didn't have much left."

It wasn't entirely true. He just wanted to be away from the other man for a while to calm down and figure out what was going on with him.

"No, I'll finish it with you! I picked it!" Yamashita sat up and stretched to wake himself up.

"You fell asleep so early in, we'd need to start it again anyway. You need your beauty sleep before your shooting tomorrow."

Shingo sounded desperate, and Tomo could feel his heart sinking at that. It obviously wasn't about the movie, Shingo wanted him at least two rooms away.

"Go ahead to bed. I'll join you as soon as I finish the movie."

Tomo nodded in defeat and stood up, heading to the bedroom. He was sure Shingo wouldn't join him. It seemed he stepped over one of Shingo's invisible and unspoken boundaries, but come on, he was asleep! Last time it was Shingo who snuggled up to him, this was not fair!

Tomo got in bed, though he was questioning why he didn't just go home. The bed smelt like Shingo, or to be more precise, it smelt like the two of them and... sex. Now it was suffocating, and Tomo was sure he wouldn't be able to sleep there alone.

\--------------------------

_"Give me a call when you wake up"_

A second after Shingo hit send, his screen lit up with an incoming call from Goro.

"What the hell, it's 4 am?!" he picked up unbelievingly.

"You know I wake up early!" Goro said sharply. "Plus your message made me worried. What happened?"

Shingo swallowed nervously. Before replying, he walked over to his studio and closed the door behind him. Leaving the movie on in the living room to make sure Yamashita can't hear him.

"You're the only one I know who has dated men," sighed Shingo. "How do I do it?"

"What?" Goro asked, confused.

"Dating men..." whispered Shingo.

" _You_ wanna date a man?" Goro asked in disbelief. Not quite sure he heard the other man right.

"Why are you acting like you had no idea I liked men?!" Shingo was annoyed.

"You mentioned _once,_ like 15 years ago, that you _might_ and then we never talked about it again! I thought you figured out you didn't, cause ever since then you've only ever seemed to be interested in women!" Goro grumbled back at him.

"Well, yes, but _now_ I have a man I am very interested in!" Shingo tried to keep his voice down, but it was hard when Goro was being so irritating.

"Okay, so... Do you know this man personally?" Goro decided to be the adult and let Shingo's absolutely invalid defense slide.

"I would say so. He's in my bedroom right now." Shingo laughed awkwardly.

"Oh. First time?"

"No..."

"How long?"

"We got close a few months ago. Kissed for the first time about 2-3 weeks ago. Had sex last week for the first time," Shingo counted back diligently.

"Alright, that sounds like things are going well to me?" If Shingo managed so well so far, what did he want? Goro had assumed his groupmate had called to ask for advice on how to flirt with men or something. But apparently he was practically dating this man already.

"I'm so afraid it's only physical. Maybe I'm reading too much into it because I apparently can't have casual sex without catching feelings… I don't know, what if he just wanted to experiment?" Shingo hopped down on his couch and leaned his head back to the wall with a sigh.

"You said you guys were close for months before even kissing. I would say this is a very grounded, not at all rushed, thought-out relationship."

 _A relationship?_ Shingo's heart started to beat nervously in his chest again.

"He… lied to me that it wasn't his first time with a man… Saying he was afraid I would reject him if I knew… He was also the one who insisted on having sex…" Shingo expressed his doubts. "I kissed him first though."

"Wow, he must be very into you! But wait, so it wasn't the first time for you?" Goro was suddenly very curious.

"I did go and figure out I liked men 15 years ago," admitted Shingo uncomfortably.

"Oh? Why are you saying you're unable to have casual sex then?" Goro giggled. He was learning more about his groupmate this morning than during their decades of working together.

"I was 20 and wanted to rebel. It was empty though, so I lost interest in it very fast," explained Shingo, not like he owed Goro an explanation. "This is the first time since then. Though, if I was honest with myself, I was totally in love even before we first kissed." Shingo sighed, thinking back to how happy he was to spend any time with Yamashita outside work. Even though he normally refused to hang out with his co-stars. How much he missed him when Yamashita was avoiding him. "So it really wasn't very casual on my part, after all."

"I see~" Goro couldn't hold back his laughter. Discussing Shingo's love life wasn't exactly something they normally did.

"Don't laugh at me!" Shingo snapped.

"Sorry," said Goro, still giggling. "So who's the guy?"

"I'm not gonna tell you!"

"You owe me for my advice at 4 am."

Shingo thought for a second. "Fine, if he says yes to dating me, I will tell you."

"It's Yamashita-kun, isn't it?"

"Wha--- How---?!"

"Tsuyoshi has been complaining that you have been spending all your free time with him lately. And you said you've been close to your man for the past few months."

"Right. It's Yamashita," admitted Shingo.

"Oooooh~ Congrats! You scored one of the most desired men in Japan!"

"That's not for sure yet, he might not feel that way..."

"Well, he did already sleep with you, moreover you were the first men who managed to get him in bed! I'd say you scored him even if you don't start dating!" Goro was laughing and Shingo wanted to strangle him through the phone.

Why did Shingo think it was a good idea to message Goro again?!

"I'm in love with him!" Shingo announced angrily. "I've probably been in love with him since before we even slept together! This is not about _scoring_ him!"

"Yes, I assumed that's why you wanted to date him," Goro replied, with a giggle still in his voice.

"Can I?"

"Can you what?"

"Date him..." whispered Shingo unconfidently.

"Hmm, well, if it comes to light, it's a bigger deal than if it was a lady. But on the other hand, you can go out together, and even if the paparazzi catch you, it will look like you're just friends. Make sure there is no PDA though."

"Thanks for the tips, but that's not exactly what I meant." Shingo sighed. "I can't give him anything. I can't marry him. I can't contribute to preserving his perfect DNA. I would just endanger both of our careers."

"WOW," commented Goro. "If you're on this level of overthinking, I'm not surprised you panic-dialed me!"

"Not funny."

"Look, you broke up with the woman we all thought was the one for you over her wanting to marry and have kids and you not feeling ready. She was a woman. There is no guarantee. You shouldn't deny happiness from yourself based on assumptions, because what if both of you never get married and never have kids anyway? You just denied yourself happiness together for nothing. Also maybe you end up wanting to get married and have kids so badly you both happily give up this job for it and move to somewhere where it is possible. Anything can happen. Even in the worst case scenario you guys can break up like mature adults, just like you and her did. It would hurt, but you would survive it. Just like last time."

"He might be totally out of my league anyway."

"Shingo. I might think you'd benefit from losing a few kilos, but you are a _very_ handsome man. And from what you told me, it sounds like he is _very_ into you. I'm pretty sure he could have gotten anyone if it was only about sex. I don't think he would have chosen to risk your senpai-kouhai relationship if it wasn't about _you_."

"That's true."

"He also stays the night, apparently."

"He does."

"That's a good sign!"

"Well, I might have screwed it up though. We were trying to watch a movie on the couch and both fell asleep. When we woke up, he was all cuddled up on me and I freaked out. I told him I wanted to finish the movie by myself and he should go sleep in the bedroom so I could be alone and sort this out."

"Wow... That was an awful thing to do. He must have felt comfortable with you to do that. If you don't want to ruin this, make sure he wakes up next to you. You go join him right now!" Goro huffed and hung up.

"Damn Goro-chan..." Shingo puffed, but went to turn off the movie and nervously headed to the bedroom anyway. He knew his groupmate was right.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by [TokuSwag](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TokuSwag) (Check out her SMAP fics, too!)

Tomo sat up in the bed immediately when Shingo opened the door.

"Hey... You couldn't sleep?" Shingo awkwardly stood from one foot to the other.

"Not really," replied Tomo. _After being expelled to your bedroom all alone..._ "I was sure you wouldn't come to bed tonight," he added sourly. _I'll just be kicked out in the morning and we never see each other privately again,_ he thought as Shingo climbed in bed and laid down next to him.

"I'm sorry," Shingo said, voice clear and honest. He searched for Yamashita's hand and took it in his. The younger man looked at him surprised. "I gave up on the movie. Turns out I probably couldn't remember much more than you. After you fell asleep against my shoulder, that was all I could concentrate on." Even in the dark Shingo could see how Yamashita's eyes became wide with confusion. "It was your pick too. Let's watch it together next time, from the beginning."

"There will be a next time?" Tomo asked bitterly.

"Only if you want there to be."

Tomo raised an eyebrow. "Well, do you?!"

"Isn't that a given if I asked?" Shingo awkwardly tried to laugh it away.

 _After you sent me here to wait out the morning because I dared to fall asleep on you?_ "Not really," summed up his thoughts Tomo coldly.

Shingo could clearly hear the hurt in Yamashita's voice. He knew he hurt him. He messed it up, and now he was terrified it meant the end of _this_ with Yamashita. Whatever _this_ was.

Shingo suddenly pulled Yamashita in a tight hug. "I'm sorry, okay?" he whispered next to the younger man's ear. "This... scares me. I have never..." He was too afraid it wasn't about love at all for the younger man, so he couldn't finish the sentence. He let go of Yamashita and laid on his back, facing the ceiling.

But Tomo wasn't going to let him have it so easy. "You have never what?"

Shingo sighed and closed his eyes, trying to gather all his courage to say it out loud. "I have never been in love with a man before."

Yamashita froze, not replying for long seconds and Shingo pretty much wanted to die. If he just managed to not freak out and screw it all up with sending Yamashita here alone, he wouldn't have had to confess before he felt confident enough.

"You are… in love... with me?" asked Yamashita slowly. "Really?"

"What are you so shocked about?" Shingo burst it out in despair. "I obviously liked you enough already to spend _all_ my free time with you in the past _months,_ including every free minute on set, then we start kissing and having sex _on top of that,_ and you expect me not to start developing any feelings for you? I tried not to, I swear, but that's normal, okay! Please don't humiliate me," grunted Shingo, staring at the ceiling.

"No, I'm..." Tomo panicked. "That was supposed to be my line! I thought you sent me away because you noticed that I had feelings for you! I was mad at you for the exact same list of reasons!"

"You have feelings for me?" picked up Shingo.

Tomo sighed. "I am head over heels in love with you."

Shingo turned his head to look at Yamashita. He suddenly didn't know what to say. The first thing that came to his tongue was asking back a 'Really?!' but he swallowed it back right away. After all, he just flipped out at Yamashita for reacting that way.

This wasn't how Tomo imagined to confess either. It was such a sudden shift from their quarrel a few minutes ago, he had no idea how to act. They just lied there, staring into each other's eyes for long minutes.

"What do we do now?" Tomo asked at the end.

"I have no idea," Shingo sighed.

"Would you like to... date? Me?" asked Tomo, trying to hide how anxiously he wanted Katori-san to say yes.

"This is more complicated than that." Shingo looked away nervously. "We are both men, there are so many things we would need to consider…"

"Believe it or not, I have noticed that you are a man!" Tomo laughed. "And, obviously, I don't care. I love you. I wanna be with you."

"You will care in ten years when you want kids!" Shingo snapped bitterly.

Another few minutes of silence followed, and Shingo was sure that this was it. Whatever this was, it was over.

"Okay," started Tomo at last, "I understand if that is important to you, and I recognize that it is not possible with me." Every word was obviously thought through carefully, and Tomo managed to keep his voice calm though giving up on Katori-san after he just confessed he loved him back was breaking his heart.

"What do _you_ want?" asked Shingo.

"I want you," Tomo replied like he was stating the obvious. "But you are right, if you already know you want things I can't give you, there's no point in getting deeper into this. I'm an adult, I can handle it."

Shingo laughed bitterly. "I broke up with the woman I thought was the love of my life over not really wanting to have kids. I think I'm fine."

"Then what's the problem?" Tomo started to feel very confused.

"That _you_ might want those things eventually."

The problem was that apparently Shingo couldn't do casual dating either. It was ridiculous that he was already worried about the possibility of breaking up in _ten years_ when they barely knew each other for a few months. To his excuse, his only real relationship was indeed a decade long. Goro told him to just let this unfold naturally, in the worst case scenario, they would just not be together forever. Why couldn't he do that? Who said they would be together for ten years _anyway?_

However, as Shingo had a really hard time trusting people and letting them close to himself, those he did were usually in it for life. He was terrified of letting down his guard for someone who was gonna leave him. But honestly, Yamashita should be more terrified that this man he slept with twice is already planning to be with him for over a decade. Shingo remembered Yamashita saying he won't ask him to take responsibility and marry him earlier that day, and he wished he could have handled this like such an adult.

"I definitely don't fancy giving you up for some hypothetical kids I might or might not want in ten years. What I know I want right now is you. It's that simple. Do you want me?"

Shingo sighed. "Of course I want you."

"In that case, I would be more than happy to be your boyfriend," concluded Tomo. "Would you like to be mine?"

 _Boyfriend._ Shingo liked the sound of that.

He pulled Yamashita in a tight hug from behind, and hid his face in the crook of his neck. Every time he held Yamashita he felt like he never wanted to let go. "I'm all yours," he whispered in reply. It was scary and overwhelming, but the truth.

Tomo smiled widely, though he would have also wanted to cry from happiness. He turned his head to the side and raised an arm behind the other man's head, pulling him down for a kiss.

"Am I really the first man you've ever been in love with?" asked Tomo curiously a few minutes of silent cuddling later.

"Yeah..." answered Shingo shyly. "I fell in love with an amazing woman when I was quite young and I was lucky enough to date her for the next decade, so yeah."

"When did you break up?" The way Katori-san was talking about her made Tomo a bit nervous whether he still loved her.

"Five years ago. We didn't break up because we didn't love each other anymore, so it took a while to move on. But I haven't really been thinking about her in the past few years."

"What about the men you slept with before me?"

"Ugh, well, I was young, horny and just really, really curious to try it..." Shingo laughed nervously. "It was the year I turned 20, on a trip abroad. I was finally of age and away from the country where everyone knew me, so I felt like I could do whatever. Like going to _those_ kinds of places and picking up guys..." Shingo hesitated a bit before he continued. "But eventually it made me realize that one night stands weren't really for me. Casual sex felt very empty, so I didn't look for it again," admitted Shingo. "I don't know why I ever thought it could have worked with you!"

 _So the last time Katori-san slept with a man was, what... 15 years ago?_ He wasn't lying when he said he barely had experience either, huh?

"How about you?"

"Me?" asked back Tomo uncomfortably. "You know that before you I have never..."

"Yeah, but am I also the first man you've ever been attracted to or...?"

"No..." admitted Tomo. "I was in love with a guy friend throughout my teenage years. He was 100% not into boys though, so I never told him. I'm pretty sure he would have freaked out and never talked to me again if I did. Anyways, after coming of age I started to go clubbing with my guy friends and so it was all about girls after that."

"If you're right about that friend, he's an asshole. Your love for him sounds so pure and selfless."

"Ugh, well... I was a teenage boy in love, so it wasn't _that_ pure." Tomo had no idea why he was sharing this, it was so embarrassing. "I'm pretty sure even after all these years he would be disgusted and end our friendship if he learned about it. Even though I haven't thought about him that way for almost a decade."

Shingo kissed the younger man's head softly, "Luckily this time you picked better!" he said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Did I?"

"Well, to say the least, I very obviously don't have anything against the idea of being intimate with you. Or the practice."

"Certainly," laughed Tomo.

Shingo sighed. "We're running into this quite fast for two men who barely have experience with men though, aren't we?"

"I'd say we have plenty of experience, given we are men ourselves." Yamashita laughed nervously. "I was mostly worried about the physical aspect. But it is... really great..." By the end of the sentence, Tomo's voice was barely a whisper.

"Oh~? Say that again~" Shingo purred into his ear playfully.

"It's embarrassing!"

"It's okay to do it, but it's not okay to talk about it?"

"Exactly!"

"We're gonna work on that. After we wake up." Shingo nuzzled his nose to Yamashita's neck. "Now I wanna sleep with you, and not in a metaphorical way," he laughed sleepily.

\----------------------------

Tomo woke up a few hours later. He was apparently too excited and nervous to be able to sleep deeply. He normally had trouble waking up in the morning, but it seemed to not apply to the nights he slept with Katori-san.

First he didn't even dare to open his eyes, too afraid their confessions from last night were just a dream and he would find himself alone in his senpai's bedroom. But as he finally peeked through his eyelashes, the first thing he saw was the older man's head resting on his chest. _So it wasn't just another dream._

Despite Tomo falling asleep in Shingo's arms, by now they were back to their usual sleeping positions. For Tomo that was on his back as usual, and apparently for Shingo it was snuggling to his partner's side and a pair of limbs being thrown across them.

 _Habits,_ Katori-san said on their first morning together. Tomo felt jealous when he thought about the person Shingo was cuddling long enough to form such a habit, but he also hoped it wasn't just a habit, that Katori-san wouldn't just cuddle up to _anyone_ he shared a bed with.

Tomo was sure this bigger and older man snuggling to him like a little boy for comfort was the cutest thing in the whole world. He couldn't resist running a hand into Shingo's hair, petting it gently, then lifting his own head a bit to push his nose in the man's hair and inhale his scent. Before falling back to the pillow he softly kissed Shingo's head. He was so worried the other man won't remember what they discussed last night. Or he wakes up with regret and will use the opportunity to pretend he doesn't remember. He wanted to enjoy every second of _dating_ this man in case it was going to be over as soon as he woke up.

Tomo continued to absently play with Shingo's hair, letting his fingertips follow the shape of the man's light, natural waves while listening to his breathing being so in sync with his own. Their chests rose and dropped in perfect harmony, which was probably the reason Shingo could sleep so peacefully leaning against his body. Tomo could feel the other man's warmth from his shoulder down to his toes as they didn't leave even a millimeter between their bodies. In this moment, Tomo could have sworn he's never been happier in his life.

"Uhm?" grunted Shingo, opening an eye and turning his head to look up to Yamashita sleepily.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," Tomo mumbled.

"Yeah, right, that's why you've been playing with my hair!" replied Shingo in a whiny voice, closing his eyes again. Yamashita laughed nervously.

A second later Shingo turned to his back, pulling Tomo over with him so the smaller man ended up on top of him, squeaking in surprise.

"Good morning, boyfriend," he looked at Yamashita with a wide grin.

"Good morning," smiled the younger man, relieved. "So you remembered!"

"It was embarrassing enough that I'll never forget it," grimaced Shingo.

"Any regrets?" asked the younger man, looking his brand new boyfriend in the eye seriously.

Shingo pushed Yamashita's hair behind his ear, then lifted his head up to give him a short kiss on the mouth. He looked up at the man playfully after falling back to the pillow, "None!"

Tomo giggled and happily dove in for a proper kiss.

"I love you," he announced with a beaming smile as they parted.

Shingo hugged Yamashita tightly again, happily nuzzling his face into the younger man's hair. "I love you too," he purred.

It felt so good to say it out loud. So natural. It was something they both felt but kept denying and pushing back in the past months. It had been in every glance, touch and gesture, but now finally it had been set free with words. Now it was finally acknowledged, and it was mutual. Finally everything between them made sense.

They continued lazily making out, and Shingo was sure this was the best possible way to wake up. He ran his hands down Yamashita's arms, then his waist, and he couldn't resist the urge to squeeze his butt a bit. To which Yamashita moved his hips downwards, pushing his crotch to Shingo's.

Shingo broke the kiss, eyes wide with surprise. "Wow, already?!"

Tomo shrugged with a sheepish smile. "Do you want it? First time as boyfriends?"

"Oowah, of course, boyfriend!" Shingo laughed, and Tomo happily leaned down to kiss him again.

With one hand Shingo tried to reach the nightstand drawer for condom and lube. It didn't help that Yamashita kept rubbing his crotch against his, so all that blood and attention started to concentrate between his legs.

After he finally managed to fish the necessary things from the drawer, Shingo pulled down the sweatpants he lent his guest last evening, and lubed up a finger. Tomo hid his face in the crook of the other man's neck as his partner was preparing him. It seemed like the younger man had become more used to being opened up by Shingo, and could relax a lot easier, so preparation didn't take as long as the last three times.

Before Shingo knew it, Tomo was lowering himself down on him. Shingo moaned and had to close his eyes to calm himself down enough not to instinctively start moving right away. It was still pretty new for Yamashita, so he wanted to let him do it at his pace. Not like Shingo was much more used to dealing with just how tight men - well, _Yamashita,_ as there wasn't going to be any other men any time soon - felt around him either.

Shingo loudly moaned when Tomo started to move, a lot sooner than Shingo expected. His eyes popped open to the visual of Yamashita riding him, and in that moment he could have sworn that it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

Tomo blushed when their eyes met. He was propping himself up, hands on the bed next to Shingo's sides, so he had no means of hiding his face this time.

"Yamashita…" Shingo mumbled. "It feels… so good…"

The younger man smiled, relieved. He barely knew what he was doing, so that was reassuring. "Me too…" he whispered in response, in case his lover needed to hear it too.

Tomo moved slowly and carefully; he had no idea how much he could take, and this was the first time it was up to him to decide. His muscles all over his body were tense as he tried to control the situation. He wouldn't have insisted on this position, but it wasn't bad. Seeing his handsome _boyfriend_ lying under him totally gone with the sensation, eyes hazy and moaning every single time Tomo moved was very rewarding.

Tomo carefully put his weight to one arm so he could touch Shingo with the other. He ran his hand from the older man's collarbones to his chest, feeling the uneven breathing under his palm as Shingo's chest rose and sank. Sweat already started to form on the older man's face, despite the lack of movement on his part. Cheeks were flushed and lips parted from the frequent moans. Tomo was sure Katori-san… _his boyfriend_ was the sexiest man alive.

Tomo trembled as his arm started to protest against being tensed for so long. Shingo immediately pulled up his knees so Yamashita could lean back against them and didn't have to use his strength for balancing as well.

"Easy," whispered Shingo, holding Yamashita's hips firmly to make sure he was steady.

Tomo leaned back on Shingo's thighs, panting hard, but Shingo could feel his tense body relax a bit. 

"Is it better?"

"Not really," Tomo pouted, tilting his head. "I can't reach you now!"

Shingo giggled, then, still holding Yamashita's hips firmly in place, he sat up. Kissing his boyfriend as soon as their mouths were at a height where he could reach the younger man's lips, and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

Tomo happily purred into the kiss, but a second later it turned into a moan as Shingo slipped balls deep in. Shingo noticed how this new position was all a bit too intense for the younger man, so instead of thrusting, he settled for just lightly rocking their bodies together, while covering his mouth and neck in kisses.

It generally took longer for Yamashita to get sweaty, as expected from someone who works out as a _hobby,_ but by now his bangs were wet with sweat. Shingo gently pushed the wet mops of hair out of the younger man's beautiful face to which he looked up at him, with the brightest-happiest smile. Shingo's heart skipped a beat. _Gosh,_ he loved this man. It was still absolutely overwhelming. They had sex before, but it felt different to be this close now, to be one with the person he was admittedly head over heels in love with and who loved him back.

When Shingo tried to pull away a little and bring a hand between them to take care of Yamashita's erection, Tomo strengthened his arms around him and kept him close.

"I don't want to let go..." he mumbled in explanation.

"Me neither!" Shingo hugged him close again. "But can you finish like this?" he asked, concerned.

"Not sure, obviously I have never..." answered Tomo honestly. "But it's okay... You can help me later too."

Shingo searched for Yamashita's eyes, through his sweaty bangs which have fallen back into his face again. He slowly nodded and kissed Yamashita deeply, starting to thrust up into him a little faster.

Shingo let himself fall to his side as he came, still not letting go of Yamashita, he brought the younger man down with him. If possible, Shingo pulled him even closer in the wave of his orgasm, burying his face in Yamashita's neck, and kissing the sensitive skin there between his moans. He was absolutely overwhelmed with pleasure and his love for this man.

As the waves of his orgasm passed, Shingo finally loosened his arms around Yamashita and slipped out. Looking down his lover's body to check if he needed his help, he noticed the wet white patches on their bellies. He looked up to see Yamashita's dopey smile. "You came!"

Tomo laughed bashfully, pulling the other man back close for a short kiss.

"When can I see you again?" Tomo asked after a few minutes of silent cuddling in the afterglow.

"Thanks to you constantly waking up in such ungodly hours, we still have hours together, don't worry," Shingo laughed, tired.

"I meant next time." Tomo still couldn't shake off the feeling that if he didn't schedule something with Shingo right now, he might never meet him again in private.

"Insatiable about everything, huh?" Shingo shook his head, but reached out to take his phone from the nightstand and opened his schedule. "How about going out for lunch the day after tomorrow? I only have Iitomo filming in the morning that day."

"Lunch?" Yamashita looked at him surprised. "What if we get caught?"

"We have gone out for food and drinks before too. No one will know we're not just friends anymore," Shingo explained. "I just... if we're gonna do this, I want this relationship to exist outside this room too. If you know what I mean."

Tomo suddenly felt very embarrassed. "I'm sorry, it's just... So new to me..." He sighed, head hanging down. "You've been all I could think of the past few months. If anything happens, my first thought is messaging you. I wanna share the movies I watch and books I read with you and learn for your opinion. I wanna see your favorite movies and read your favorite books, and learn everything possible about you. I wanna spend nights talking about music and writing songs with you. I wanna discuss everything with you, and learn everything about you. But then you are here and I just can't control how much I want _you_." Tomo wanted to die of embarrassment. "It's like I can't get enough."

"Hey," Shingo reached out and moved Yamashita so he could hug him close again, kissing his head before he continued. "It's okay. Did I look like I wanted it any less?!" He laughed. "We can continue to have _all_ the sex you just want. _We_ just want. I just don't want it to be only sex. That's all."

"Me neither," Tomo sighed, "Despite how it looks."

Shingo laughed, ruffling Tomo's hair. "It's flattering, really," he said playfully.

Tomo made an embarrassed, whiny sound.

"Let's go shower and I'll show you how much I'm not against having a lot of sex." Shingo winked at him, sitting up in the bed. "No more penetrative stuff today though, or you won't be able to sit."

Tomo dropped back on the bed, digging his face in the sheets, arms folded above his head, making whiny sounds of embarrassment again. Shingo sighed. He laid back next to him, propping himself up on an elbow. Gently pushing the younger man's hair out of his face, behind his ears, and leaning in to kiss the bit of skin that wasn't buried in the man's arms and the sheets below him. Tomo turned his head to look at Shingo, and the older man immediately leaned in to kiss him.

"It's just something we will need to keep in mind," he explained as they parted.

Tomo nodded.

"There are many other fun things we can try anyways~" Shingo got out of bed and reached a hand out to the younger man with a beaming smile. "Come on!"

"You're gonna be the death of me," Tomo shook his head while grabbing Shingo's hand.

Shingo laughed. "Likewise, boyfriend~" 

"Can I have Katori Hotel buffet breakfast again after the shower?"

"Anytime." Shingo smiled and kissed him.


End file.
